Elf | Christmas at the Movies Week 1 - Live Service Teaching

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- Hey, welcome to Crossroads.

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My name is Andy Reider.

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I'm the community pastor of Crossroads Anywhere.

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Today we're going to be hearing from Brian Tome,

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talking about one of his, and come on,

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my favorite Christmas movies of all time, it is Elf.

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But before we get there, there's two things

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I want to fill you in on and let you know about.

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The first, we're calling 100 tables.

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Some of the best experiences

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that I have had around church,

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some of the best experiences that I've had

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where I've grown the most

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haven't happened in a church building.

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They've happened around a table.

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And we're starting 100 tables all over the country

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in the hopes that more people can have

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the experience of growing and connecting

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around a table with, like, kind of a surrogate family.

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We want that for you.

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And we believe in this so deeply,

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we're actually going to pay for the food.

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So, if you want to be trained to,

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not just join a community,

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but to help build it right where you are,

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go to Crossroads.net/anywhere,

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and we'd love to invest in you and the community

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that's going to grow up right around you.

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Secondly, we believe that we're a church

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that you can fully belong to

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no matter where you live,

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and that includes families,

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that includes parents and kids connecting

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and growing together.

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And we have some really exciting resources

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and content and experiences

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that we want your help shaping.

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So, we want you to join

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our Kids and Families Crossroads Anywhere Pilot.

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Again, you can join us there at Crossroads.net/anywhere.

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All right, now we're here to jump in to Elf

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and to what God has to speak to us through

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Will Ferrell and Brian Tome. Here we go.

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- [singing] Christmas at the movies.

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It's perfect with some coffee.

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Don't beat that ring a ling ding, ding, ding, talkin.

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So, if we see the glow of a cellular telephone

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will take them and will break them.

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And we won't say we were mistaken.

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You've been warned.

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Merry Christmas. [breaking FX]

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- Sorry, I can't ride with you the rest of the way up,

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but this is where my dad works. Well --

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Oh, I forgot to give you a hug.

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- Oh, I don't know, Connie.

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I've never declawed kittens before.

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How many?

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Eight?

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I don't know if I'm going to have time.

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Well, all right, just bring about the camp this week

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and I'll see what I can do.

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I'm not going to charge you.

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Just bring them by and I'll see what I can do.

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- Excuse me.

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I'm here to see a Walter Hobbs. I'm Buddy the Elf.

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- You look hilarious. Who sent you?

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- Papa Elf.

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- Papa Elf? - Um-hmm, from the North Pole.

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- From the North Pole? - Yes.

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- So, you really think we should ship 'em?

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No. I think we should take a $30,000 bath

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so some kid can understand what happened

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to a puppy in a friggin pigeon. Ship 'em.

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[phone rings] Yeah.

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- Mr. Hobbs, it's me on the intercom.

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- Right.

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- Yeah. I think someone sent you a Christmas gram.

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- Dad.

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- All right. Let's get it over with.

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- I walked all day and night to find you.

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- You look like you came from the North Pole.

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- That's exactly where I came from.

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Santa must have called you.

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- Oh, yeah, sure.

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I just got off the cell phone with me.

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- You did?

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- So, go on.

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- Go on with what?

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- Are you going to sing a song or something,

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or can I just go back to work?

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- A song?

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Yeah. Anything for you, Dad?

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Um, [singing] I'm here with my dad, and we never met.

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And he wants me to sing him a song.

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And I was adopted, but you didn't know I was born.

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So, I'm here now.

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I found you, Daddy.

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And guess what? I love you. I love you. I love you.

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- Wow. That was weird.

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Usually guys just, you know,

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put my name into Jingle Bells or something.

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- It's me, your son.

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Susan Wells had me and she didn't tell you.

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And -- and -- but now I'm here. It's me, buddy.

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- Susan Wells? You said Susan Wells?

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- Yes.

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- Who sent this Christmas gram?

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- What's a Christmas gram? I want one.

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- I think we should call security.

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- Good idea.

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- I like to whisper, too.

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It's okay. Walter's my father.

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- Well, your dad's busy right now.

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- Okay. I'll come back later.

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Yeah. No, you're not going to come back for a while.

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Okay? You're going to go back to Santaland.

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- Okay.

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- Yeah. Why don't you go back to Gimbels?

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[cheers and applause]

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- Merry Christmas, everybody.

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Yes. Are we ready to have fun today?

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Our staff gets together every day, our workday,

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all of our staff for a half hour of communal prayer,

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mandatory every day, generally 9-9:30,

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groups of anywhere from from 10 to 30 people

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will be sitting praying for you, and bunch of other things.

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And this last week, one of those prayer meetings

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came up that there's a pastor

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in one of the communities we serve for another church

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that said in a sermon just last week or so,

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he said, "Church is not supposed to be fun.

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And if you want to be fun, then go to Crossroads."

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[laughter and cheers]

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I said, "That's a great idea. That's a great idea."

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So we're going to have fun today.

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But I think you're also going to be a little surprised

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that there is a deeper thing

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that's happening in the movie Elf.

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I don't think the writers intended it.

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I don't think the producers understood it.

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But Elf is what it is because it taps into

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something deep inside of us.

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And I'm going to try to tell you about that today.

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So, let's pray.

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God, I'm thankful for the ability to laugh

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and to have fun and for the ability

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to see things we haven't seen before,

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to maybe feel something we haven't felt before

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and maybe even come to know You

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in a way we haven't known You before.

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Help me to do Your bidding today, God.

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I want to honor You and I want to help Your people.

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I pray these things according to the character

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and identity of Jesus. Amen.

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Yes, I'm going to wear this all the time I preach,

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except for this. This is hot.

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I'm telling you what that is -- that is incredibly hot.

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Now, we're going to look at that at Buddy the Elf.

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If you haven't seen the movie Elf,

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I'm going to ruin it for you today.

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Actually, I'm not going to ruin for you.

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You can still watch.

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If you've never seen it,

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you're going to get something out of it.

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Buddy the Elf, here's the story.

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We have a story of an elf who's not actually an elf.

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He was born and then his mother dies.

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He's placed in an orphanage.

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Santa comes to the orphanage one day.

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Buddy, little baby Buddy gets up out of bed.

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He crawls in the Santa's gift bag,

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and Santa goes back to the North Pole

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and then opens up and there is this human being.

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And now Buddy is raised with elves as an elf.

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And as Buddy matures, he gets to a place where he says,

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"I want to know who my family is.

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I want to know who my dad is."

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And this is the arc, the trajectory

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of this movie known as The Elf.

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It's actually a deeply spiritual movie,

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even though people don't think that it is,

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even though the writers and all those folks

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didn't understand that it was,

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it's actually incredibly deep.

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And I think that's why it's becoming a Christmas classic,

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if it's not already.

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It came out in 2003, 19 years later, here it is,

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it's still going strong.

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It's because, I believe, apart from the great humor,

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there's some deep spiritual undercurrents to it.

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It taps into this desire we have for family,

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this desire to want family.

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Buddy wants family.

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And all of us here, we want family.

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We may not have the family that's a traditional family.

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We may have redefined the family to fit our needs.

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We may have a nontraditional family.

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Whatever it looks like, everybody I know

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wants family of some form or some shape.

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And few of us have the family that we want,

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and that causes the complication over Christmas.

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The good part about Christmas is

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that enables us to spend time with our families.

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The bad news about Christmas is

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it enables us to spend time with our families.

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And yet this is something that we want.

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One poll found that three out of four Americans

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would be willing to get rid of

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all their holiday traditions if we could

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only have a meaningful family experience.

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On Yahoo! it says this:

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Despite respondents' desire

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to spend the holidays with friends and family,

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62% said they haven't done so in nearly two years.

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So, we want family.

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We think that's about Christmas.

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But we're not spending time with family

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sometimes because our family is just too painful.

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It's just too difficult.

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The good thing -- the good thing about Christmas

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is Christmas is supposed to bring us a bit of joy,

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a bit of happiness.

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There's going to be some transferable principles

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from Buddy's live to ours.

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One I already talked about: all of us want family,

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all of us want family.

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The second one is when we take a look at Buddy,

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we see that Buddy has a desire to bring joy.

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- He's probably just reverting to

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a state of childlike dependency.

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- An elf?

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- What he needs is to be nurtured.

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- So, you'd like me to rescue them.

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- Just bring them home.

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Introduce him to Emily and Michael.

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And once -- once he comes to terms with reality,

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he should drop the whole elf thing

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and move on with his life.

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I mean, that's what I would do if I were you.

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- Oh, my God, Walter, this is super for you.

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You have another son.

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- Wonderful.

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Gosh, I guess I never really thought of it that way.

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- This is incredible.

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You know, it's a little complicated,

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but it's nothing that we can't handle.

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- Honey. - What?

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- He thinks he's an elf. - I'm sorry. What?

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- He thinks he's a Christmas elf.

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- Oh, come on.

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I'm sure he doesn't actually think he's an elf.

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- And then I traveled to the seven levels

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of the candy cane forest,

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past the sea of swirly twirly gumdrops.

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And then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel.

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- So where were you for the last 30 years?

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- The North Pole.

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- Can you pass the maple syrup, please?

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- I didn't -- it's spaghetti.

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- You know what? I think I have some. Oh, yes.

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- You like sugar, huh?

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- Is there sugar in syrup?

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- Yes.

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- Then yes.

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We elves try to stick to the four main food groups:

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Candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.

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- So, will you be staying with us then?

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- You mean I can stay?

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- Of course you can. - Emily.

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- How long do you think you'll be with us?

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- I hadn't really planned it out,

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but I was thinking, like, forever.

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- Emily, can I just speak to you

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for a minute in the kitchen, please?

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Are you crazy? He cannot stay here.

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- Clearly, he has some serious issues.

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We can't just throw him out in the snow.

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- Why not? He loves the snow. He's told me 15 times.

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- Walter, he's your son.

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[belching loudly]

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- Did you hear that?

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- You are so weird.

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- [laughs] Did you hear that?

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Why is it -- Why is it that burps and farts are fun?

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Why is that? They just are. They're incredibly.

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You don't think so, brother? Come on.

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You must go to another church that likes to have fun.

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Come on. There you go. Now, I've got him smiling.

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Thank you. I got a smile. There you go.

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This is -- This is something that I think

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God wires into us is the desire for fun,

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the desire to laugh.

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He gives us -- our bodies do things

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that cause us to laugh.

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It's kind of -- kind of funny.

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And Buddy, he brings joy where he goes.

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He finds things to have fun.

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He does stuff like put syrup on spaghetti.

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He answers phones and says,

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"What's your favorite color?"

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He goes down to the mailroom, he's demoted.

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He goes down the lower level part of the skyscraper,

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and he gets everybody dancing.

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And he's doing a kind of a Russian jig, a Russian dance.

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Wherever he goes, he brings joy.

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This is part of our fixation for Christmas.

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We want to have more joy at Christmas.

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We have an opportunity to have connection

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and to have laughter, even when normal people

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would be bothered and depressed, Buddy again and again,

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he shrugs it off and he comes back with a good attitude.

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Now, we see that he definitely has feelings,

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as James Caan, his father,

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is denying him the connection that he wants,

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denying that he is who he is.

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As that's happening,

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we see him definitely getting bummed,

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but he snaps back and he looks for joy.

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The Book of Psalms 97:11 says this:

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Light is sown for the righteous,

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and joy for the upright in heart.

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So, who gets to have joy?

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Those who are upright in heart.

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If you don't want joy, then you're low in heart.

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So, we should be, we -- I'm assuming

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if you came to church, you're open to spiritual things.

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You're open to Jesus.

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We should be the happiest, most joyful, positive,

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upbeat, seeing the bright side of anybody.

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We should be. We're the people of hope.

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We are the upright in heart.

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Now, here's the problem, and this is where

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the depth of Elf comes in.

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The depth here and the problem is,

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while we want to have joy, be up, we have a condition.

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And the condition is known as the orphan heart.

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This is Buddy's condition.

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He has been at the North Pole.

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He's been with elves, but he's felt abandoned.

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He's felt like he doesn't know who he is,

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that he doesn't have a family that he identifies.

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And so he's in search of

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because he feels like he's on the outs.

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Friends, if you want to understand

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the problems we have in our country,

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this is the key to understanding

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every problem in our country is that every person

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in our country feels like an orphan.

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Every person in our country

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feels like they're on the outs.

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Every person in our country

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feels like I have to live hand to mouth.

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Every person in our country feels alone,

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abandoned, feels judged, feels not worthy,

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feels their worth, feels our worth based on

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how we do compare to somebody else.

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And we need other people who are different than us

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to make us feel better about ourselves.

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Because that's the way orphans are.

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It's the orphan heart.

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The Bible actually talks about this.

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The Bible actually tells us

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that we are adopted into the family.

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No one's actually born into the family of God physically.

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There's nobody who's ever been born

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and just naturally,

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physically has a connection with God.

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We later on get adopted into the family of God.

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That's what the Bible teaches over and over again.

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Buddy, his journey is a journey

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that we can identify

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with that puts us up to the heavens.

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There's this -- there's this juxtaposition,

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if you will, between joy and family.

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There's this juxtaposition between happiness

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in Buddy's life and pain.

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- What should we put on it first?

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- Lights. - Oh, good.

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And then after that? Ornaments?

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- What the hell is that?

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- A Christmas tree.

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- A Christmas tree?

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- Buddy chopped it down in the park.

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- Emily?

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- I don't know what you're making such a big deal of it,

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they were just having a little fun.

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- Fun? So, felonies are fun?

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I thought felonies were felonies.

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- Okay, The tree thing was bad.

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I'll get him to plant another one,

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but at least Michael is happy for once.

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- What? What's that supposed to mean?

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- Well, I don't think it's any secret, Walter,

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that you haven't exactly been there for him.

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- Tell you what,

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why don't we just pull him out of school

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and let the deranged elf man raise him,

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then they can have lots of fun committing felonies.

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- How are we going to get the star on top?

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- I got it.

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- You feeling strong, my friend?

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Call me Elf one more time.

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- He's an angry elf.

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- Look at you.

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Ow.

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I wasn't ready for that.

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Hey, hey, hey. whoa!

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- Call me elf one more time. Call me elf.

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- You're an elf.

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- Miles, I'm sorry.

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He thinks he's an elf.

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Listen, Miles. Listen, Miles.

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- He must be a South Pole elf.

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- You get the hell out of here.

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- Where do you want me to go?

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- I don't care where you go.

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I don't care that you're an elf.

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I don't care that you're nuts.

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I don't care that you're my son.

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Get out of my life, now.

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- I don't belong anywhere.

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- He's struggling with feeling rejected.

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Many of us feel that way as well,

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even if we're successful or maybe successful

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because we're trying to prove to ourselves

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that we're worthy and we're better than others.

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We have a bunch of people in our church

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who have adopted folks, taken kids in foster care.

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It's a massive, massive problem.

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And it's an amazing thing when someone takes in a child.

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And very frequently that process is difficult

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and painful because you have a child

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who may be 11 years old, 10 years olds, 9 years old,

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who their whole life all they've known is disconnection.

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Their whole life, all they've known

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has been relational disappointment.

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And they can't trust.

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They don't want to trust because they trust and they love,

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and then they're let down again,

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it hurts ten times worse than it was.

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It's the orphan heart.

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And this is the way many of us are.

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Maybe we haven't been adopted physically.

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Maybe we haven't been in foster care

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or in an orphanage, but we feel disconnected.

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We feel like we have to compete for our worth.

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We feel like just in an orphanage,

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there's only so much to go around,

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so everyone should get fair-ies and evens.

00:21:19

And if somebody has more than I have

00:21:21

then I can get bitter.

00:21:22

If someone is doing the wrong thing,

00:21:24

we root for someone to get caught

00:21:25

because that's what the orphan wants.

00:21:27

If you go down, then I somehow go up.

00:21:28

I can criticize you and tear you down

00:21:30

because somehow that's going to make me be better

00:21:32

and have my chances more positive.

00:21:34

This is orphan tendencies in our culture.

00:21:36

We're just one huge, massive orphanage

00:21:39

with a bunch of people who feel detached and unloved

00:21:43

and needing accomplishment and affirmation

00:21:46

in order to have a moment, a brief moment of respite.

00:21:50

This is our spiritual condition.

00:21:52

This is our natural spiritual condition.

00:21:54

At least this is how the Bible puts it.

00:21:55

In the book of Ephesians chapter two it says this.

00:21:58

It says:

00:22:17

It says by nature we are distant from God,

00:22:21

by nature, not by nature of a nice, innocent baby

00:22:25

who God is impressed with.

00:22:28

No, by nature all of mankind is like an orphan,

00:22:32

separated, going their own way.

00:22:35

That's the way we are.

00:22:36

That's called original sin in the Bible.

00:22:39

It's what caused us to be as messed up emotionally

00:22:42

and spiritually as we are.

00:22:43

This natural propensity to look about ourselves

00:22:47

and be about ourselves

00:22:48

as every orphan is always about themselves

00:22:51

and only themselves.

00:22:52

And then Jesus puts it this way in John 1:12:

00:22:55

But to all who did receive him,

00:22:58

who believed in his name,

00:22:59

he gave the right to become children of God,

00:23:04

who are born,

00:23:05

not of blood nor of the will of the flesh

00:23:07

nor the will of man, but of God.

00:23:10

So, God gives us the right to become children of God.

00:23:13

We don't --I'm not a child of God just because I'm born.

00:23:16

I become a child of God

00:23:19

when God adopts me into his family.

00:23:21

Everyone's not a child of God.

00:23:24

Those who receive him and are adopted into his family,

00:23:28

they are, we are the children of God.

00:23:31

God loves all people.

00:23:32

God wants all people in his family,

00:23:34

but not all people want to be in his family.

00:23:36

Not all people want to receive him.

00:23:37

There's other verses I could share with you right now,

00:23:40

but I'm not going to do that.

00:23:41

I just want you know, this is the thrust

00:23:44

of the entire New Testament, of the entire Bible.

00:23:47

This is the thrust of your entire life,

00:23:51

figuring this out.

00:23:53

How will you feel secure and joyful and loved?

00:23:57

This is the thrust, really, of the movie Elf.

00:24:02

Buddy is happy as he is and as joyful as he is

00:24:06

and as great as his attitude is,

00:24:08

he keeps hitting this wall again and again

00:24:11

where he wants a father, he needs his father.

00:24:14

Even though his father, Papa Elf up in the North Pole,

00:24:18

even though he is a wonderful guy,

00:24:20

he wants to know his roots.

00:24:22

He wants his father.

00:24:24

Maybe the reason why I asked specifically

00:24:27

for this movie to preach on this weekend

00:24:30

is because when I saw the movie Elf,

00:24:32

I saw immediately that it was

00:24:34

a deep, spiritual, transcendent story.

00:24:36

When other people just saw syrup on noodles

00:24:39

and all kind of crazy stuff,

00:24:42

I saw the story of the Bible.

00:24:44

I saw the story of mankind.

00:24:46

I actually saw and I still see the story of me.

00:24:50

Can I tell you my story in just a little bit?

00:24:52

Some of you might have heard this,

00:24:54

maybe not all of this, but it fits in here.

00:24:57

So just bear with me. Here's my story.

00:25:01

I was born at a very early age. [laughter]

00:25:07

And then I was adopted.

00:25:09

I had a mother who had an unwanted pregnancy.

00:25:13

She was not knowing how she was gonna make that happen,

00:25:16

how to make me happen and raise me, so she --

00:25:19

and the father was not going to be around, apparently.

00:25:22

So, she put me up for adoption,

00:25:24

and I got adopted pretty much at birth.

00:25:26

And I'm very thankful I have.

00:25:28

I have great parents.

00:25:29

My parents have blessed me greatly.

00:25:30

They've done things like give me a stable home,

00:25:33

never hungry,

00:25:35

saved money for me to have a college education.

00:25:37

All of these things.

00:25:38

They even paid for my seminary.

00:25:40

Really, really, really great people, really are.

00:25:43

And I dealt with the orphaned heart

00:25:47

in a significant way growing up.

00:25:49

I think because, like Buddy, Buddy looked at Papa Elf

00:25:52

and as good as he was, he knew you're not my dad.

00:25:57

And as good as my dad may have been,

00:25:58

I was reminded all the time,

00:26:00

"You're not my dad because you're not like me."

00:26:02

I'm taller. My dad is shorter.

00:26:04

My dad has a huge head. I've got a small head.

00:26:07

He has a huge head because he has a huge, smart brain.

00:26:10

I have a small head because I have a small brain

00:26:12

that isn't very smart sometimes.

00:26:14

My dad went to Ivy League schools

00:26:16

and got valedictorian

00:26:17

and is a nuclear scientist,

00:26:20

actually troubleshooting nuclear reactors.

00:26:23

And then there's me

00:26:26

who takes seven years to get a four year degree

00:26:28

and takes accounting 1 three times.

00:26:33

Fourth grade, one of my more traumatic memories.

00:26:35

I'm learning -- we're learning how to do long division,

00:26:38

and I'm not getting it.

00:26:39

It's not coming natural to me.

00:26:40

My dad's trying to coach me.

00:26:41

And we're at the kitchen table,

00:26:43

and he is looking over my shoulder trying to explain it

00:26:46

and I'm getting it wrong again.

00:26:47

And he takes his pencil,

00:26:48

I can remember as clear as day, it said Westinghouse on it,

00:26:51

and he takes it -- that's where he worked.

00:26:53

He jams his pencil into the paper, said,

00:26:55

"Why can't you get this?" And the pencil breaks.

00:26:59

I could see the tip break off and I just start weeping.

00:27:01

I can remember tears falling off my face,

00:27:04

hitting the -- hitting the thing

00:27:06

while I saw that broken tip of the number 2 pencil.

00:27:09

Because "Who am I? I am not my dad. He is not me.

00:27:14

I am a very alone. No one understands me."

00:27:18

This would be reinforced throughout my life

00:27:20

in different ways and stupid ways.

00:27:22

I did stupid, stupid things, just like as a 15 year old.

00:27:25

I've always liked tobacco in all forms.

00:27:28

And when I was 15 it was awesome

00:27:31

that you could go into any store

00:27:33

and buy anything you want. God bless America.

00:27:35

You'd come out with cigars, chew, whatever you want.

00:27:38

It was wonderful.

00:27:39

So I thought -- I thought I should get my dad,

00:27:42

for I think it was Father's Day,

00:27:44

"I should get him a big cigar, that'd be awesome."

00:27:47

It's a stupid idea, dumb idea.

00:27:49

I never saw my dad have any tobacco, ever,

00:27:52

never his whole life.

00:27:53

In my heart, my juvenile heart I thought,

00:27:55

"Yeah, my dad will see that I love him.

00:27:57

He'll see, it'll be great. He'll appreciate it.

00:27:59

Maybe no one's ever given him a big, nice cigar."

00:28:01

It wasn't a nice cigar. It was pretty cheap. It was big.

00:28:04

Gave it to him, and he put it on his bureau.

00:28:08

And I saw it day after day, week after week,

00:28:11

month after month, year after year

00:28:13

not get used, get dryer and dryer.

00:28:15

And every time I saw that,

00:28:16

I was reminded my dad's not like me.

00:28:20

My dad doesn't get me.

00:28:22

My life would be so much better

00:28:25

and so much more fulfilling

00:28:27

if I actually knew my biological father,

00:28:29

because then things would make sense

00:28:31

and all that stuff.

00:28:33

That's basically Buddy's story.

00:28:35

So, I would always try to find my parents,

00:28:37

but eventually I just -- I couldn't do it.

00:28:39

I just gave up

00:28:40

and I just kind of lost interest eventually.

00:28:42

A woman here a Crossroads Susan Levy,

00:28:45

contacted me and said, "Hey, I kind of do this.

00:28:48

I'd just like to take your case on.

00:28:50

So, tell me what you want, tell me what you know,

00:28:52

and I'm going to go see if I can find your dad."

00:28:54

I was like, "Okay, fine.

00:28:56

You want to do that, fine. No problem."

00:28:58

She comes back and she says,

00:29:00

"Hey, I think I found your birth mother."

00:29:02

And I get together with my birth mom.

00:29:05

And it was really amazing.

00:29:07

She was -- she was a believer.

00:29:08

She was a Christian.

00:29:09

She had been praying for me every day, every day.

00:29:12

And my wife always said, "You know,

00:29:16

someone has to be praying for you every day

00:29:18

because doesn't make sense

00:29:19

for you to be as blessed as you are."

00:29:21

[laughter]

00:29:25

Perhaps my birth mother.

00:29:27

And I -- question number one from me for her was who --

00:29:31

tell me about my father.

00:29:32

I don't know if this is the way it is

00:29:34

like this for women.

00:29:35

I'm not a woman. I don't identify as a woman.

00:29:38

I'm not a woman.

00:29:39

So, I don't know if it's the way it is for women.

00:29:41

But I can tell you, for men,

00:29:42

men have a need to understand and know their father.

00:29:45

And they actually,

00:29:46

we actually want the blessing of our father.

00:29:48

Very few of us ever get the blessing of the father.

00:29:50

So, we're doomed, unless we figure out a different way,

00:29:53

we're doomed to be a spiritual orphan

00:29:55

for the rest of our life.

00:29:56

Having a hard time making commitments,

00:29:58

having a hard time being happy,

00:29:59

having a hard time dealing with rejection,

00:30:01

having a hard time giving love and feeling love,

00:30:03

having a hard time -- it's we're doomed to that.

00:30:06

Without the father's blessing, that's what we're in for.

00:30:08

Boy, I'd like to have another sermon right now,

00:30:10

but I don't have time for it.

00:30:12

But that was really what I was looking for.

00:30:14

She said, "I don't know anything.

00:30:16

I don't know where he is, sorry."

00:30:21

Just as my mother drew a boundary,

00:30:23

an appropriate boundary around me 50 some years ago,

00:30:26

because she couldn't care for me and keep me,

00:30:28

I realize I need to draw a boundary around her

00:30:31

at this point because I just had too much going on.

00:30:34

I had too many family commitments already,

00:30:35

too many staff relationships, too many --

00:30:37

And I just -- it was a lot of stuff going on.

00:30:39

I just said to her very, very nicely,

00:30:41

"I love you. I'm thankful for you.

00:30:43

But we're not going to have an ongoing relationship."

00:30:45

And she she had a hard time accepting that,

00:30:47

understandably.

00:30:48

And she kept trying to like open the door

00:30:51

and spend time with me.

00:30:52

And finally, I just ended up ignoring phone calls.

00:30:55

She left me a voicemail once, she said,

00:30:58

"Brian, good news. I just talked to your father."

00:31:03

I'm going like, "I should just end this.

00:31:05

She said she had no idea.

00:31:07

I'm not going to call her back.

00:31:08

I'm not. I'm not not falling for this."

00:31:11

Some time later, I'm driving on my summer break

00:31:13

down to where we're going to spend time

00:31:15

at Norse Lake in Tennessee and phone rings.

00:31:19

Like, "Huh?" I answer, "Hello?"

00:31:21

And this guy says, "Hi, Brian.

00:31:24

Susan tells me that I may be your father."

00:31:28

I'm like, "Okay."

00:31:32

He says, "Here's what I'd like to do.

00:31:33

I'd like to -- I'd like to get a DNA test.

00:31:38

We'll check your DNA against my DNA.

00:31:40

If it comes back that you're my son,

00:31:42

then I'll get together with you

00:31:43

and tell you anything you want to know."

00:31:45

And I'm sitting there, I'm thinking, I'm driving, right.

00:31:47

I'm going, I thought and I said,

00:31:49

"Well, who says that I want to get together with yo

00:31:53

u and that I even want to take the test at all?"

00:31:57

And there's a pause on another line.

00:31:58

And then he goes, "That's exactly what I say.

00:32:02

You must be my son."

00:32:03

[laughter]

00:32:08

He said, "That's exactly what I would say.

00:32:11

You must be my son."

00:32:13

I was like, [sobbing]

00:32:15

Like, "Oh, my gosh. Like someone understands me?

00:32:19

Someone gets me? Oh, my word. Woo!"

00:32:24

He says, "Hey, let's go -- How about if I come out

00:32:26

and visit you for the weekend?"

00:32:27

I said, "No, I've already been to that train one time.

00:32:30

That's too big of a commitment.

00:32:31

Maybe at some point we'll do --

00:32:33

Let's hold on. Let's talk on the phone.

00:32:35

But I'll get together with you sometime in the future.

00:32:37

Let's have a beer or something like that."

00:32:39

He said, "Okay, fine." So he lives in California.

00:32:41

I went out to California for a conference.

00:32:43

I stopped and I said,

00:32:44

"Hey, I'm gonna be here on this date.

00:32:45

Want to get together for a beer?"

00:32:47

He said, "Sure, Great."

00:32:48

So we're going out.

00:32:49

We come together and we have a beer.

00:32:50

The first time I've had a beer with a father figure.

00:32:52

My dad doesn't drink at all, but my birth father does.

00:32:55

So I'm thinking like, "Oh my gosh, this is amazing.

00:32:58

He understands my directness.

00:32:59

He's just as direct as me."

00:33:01

And then everything went downhill from there.

00:33:03

Everything went down.

00:33:04

He starts telling me that he's got --

00:33:07

I've got two half sisters.

00:33:08

He got two daughters who he says, quote unquote,

00:33:11

"Live back east somewhere."

00:33:14

Doesn't know where they live.

00:33:16

Doesn't know where they are.

00:33:19

He divorced their mom

00:33:21

because she went into menopause

00:33:24

and he said, quote unquote,

00:33:26

"I just couldn't handle that crap."

00:33:27

So he divorced his wife because she went into menopause.

00:33:30

Too tough for him.

00:33:31

Had another wife, divorced her.

00:33:33

He said, "Now I'm on my third.

00:33:34

She's a Filipino in her thirties."

00:33:36

And he said, "She can't keep up with me."

00:33:39

And he's just kind of going on in this stuff.

00:33:41

And I'm like, "Okay, I think I've had enough.

00:33:44

I think I'm good. I think I'm done."

00:33:45

So we end, everything is nice.

00:33:47

And I start having this crisis like,

00:33:49

"Oh my gosh, my -- my dad has got this big head

00:33:53

and he's hyper smart

00:33:55

and he doesn't like my vices at all.

00:33:58

I'm not like him.

00:33:59

And this guy over here,

00:34:00

he -- he doesn't even talk to his daughters,

00:34:04

doesn't even know where they live.

00:34:05

I like my daughters. They actually like me.

00:34:08

We laugh together.

00:34:10

My son, we hang out just to have fun.

00:34:13

How does he not do that?

00:34:15

Oh, my gosh. He's on -- he's on his third wife.

00:34:17

I'm a one woman kind of man. One woman.

00:34:20

One woman -- plan to be one.

00:34:22

I'm a one woman kind of man. Who am I?"

00:34:24

I'm looking at this stuff, and it was really a crisis.

00:34:26

And then as I was depressed because I always thought

00:34:29

if I saw somebody who was my DNA,

00:34:32

kind of like what Buddy thinks, if he sees James Caan,

00:34:35

everything's gonna make sense.

00:34:36

I kept thinking everything would makes sense,

00:34:38

and it wasn't, it was more confusing.

00:34:40

I kept asking myself, "Now who am I?"

00:34:42

So, praying about this.

00:34:44

The next morning I get up and pray about it.

00:34:45

And God says to me, I sense God say,

00:34:47

"Brian, you're my son. You're my son.

00:34:52

You're not his son or his son.

00:34:53

And I get you. And I get you."

00:34:58

God understands me and he likes me

00:35:03

and he even laughs at my jokes, believe it or not.

00:35:06

And he gets you. He understands you.

00:35:10

And he laughs at your jokes.

00:35:12

I don't care what your giftedness is.

00:35:13

I don't care what your talents are.

00:35:15

I don't care what your wiring is.

00:35:17

I don't care if you're a jock, nerd, whatever you are,

00:35:21

white, black, I don't care if you're left, right.

00:35:24

I don't care if you're artsy, grungy. I don't care.

00:35:27

God understands you. He gets you.

00:35:30

He loves you. He gets a kick out of you.

00:35:34

But we often don't feel this because

00:35:37

we're dealing with our orphaned hearted tendencies,

00:35:42

this thing that keeps me from connecting with God.

00:35:46

And God so desperately wants to connect with you.

00:35:49

He so wants to sit with you.

00:35:51

He so wants you to sit with him.

00:35:53

This is actually a transcendent thing.

00:35:57

This is the other thing that we see

00:35:59

in the movie The Elf, is we see --

00:36:02

when you see a desire for the transcendent

00:36:05

at the climactic scene, which fascinatingly enough,

00:36:08

this next scene I'm going to show you,

00:36:10

Lib and I, my first time ever in New York City

00:36:12

was when she was having her 40th birthday.

00:36:15

And she wanted to go there, and I surprised her with that.

00:36:17

I'd never been in New York City before,

00:36:19

so we surprised her for a 40th birthday trip.

00:36:21

And while we're there and staying at this hotel

00:36:24

and out walking one night, they were filming

00:36:27

this very scene from the Elf

00:36:29

while we were there that night,

00:36:32

not knowing to me that this is actually going to be

00:36:35

a critical actual movie for me, believe it or not,

00:36:38

in my spiritual formation.

00:36:40

This ultimate scene, this climactic scene

00:36:43

is what I'm going to show you next.

00:36:44

It's where Santa is trying to get his sleigh

00:36:50

up and going, but he can't because

00:36:52

there's not enough natural belief anymore.

00:36:54

There's not Christmas spirit.

00:36:55

So he's got to use artificial means because

00:36:57

it used to be people believed and had faith in Christmas

00:37:00

and they don't any longer.

00:37:01

But if only they would, they could take off again.

00:37:04

And there's this really cool, cool thing

00:37:06

where we see this desire

00:37:08

for the transcendent with Buddy.

00:37:10

The transcendent is what Christmas is about.

00:37:12

And the transcendent this scene is what Buddy is about.

00:37:17

- Excuse me.

00:37:18

-The authorities have not discovered

00:37:20

any reindeer in the park?

00:37:21

- No, No reindeer.

00:37:22

- Sleigh bells? - No sleigh bells either.

00:37:24

- Elves? - None of that.

00:37:26

We just need everyone --

00:37:27

- It's the real Santa.

00:37:28

His sleigh won't, nobody believes in it.

00:37:30

- Did you see something in the park?

00:37:31

- Everyone out there, Santa needs us to believe.

00:37:33

I can prove he's real. Look, this is his list.

00:37:36

- Okay, well, further confirmation

00:37:38

that there has been a Santa sighting tonight.

00:37:40

We have the naughty and nice list.

00:37:42

Lynn Kessler wants a Powerpuff Girls playset.

00:37:44

[gasps]

00:37:45

Mark Weber wants an electric guitar?

00:37:46

Yes.

00:37:47

- Carolyn Reynolds wants the Suzy-Talks-a-Lot.

00:37:50

- Thanks, Buddy.

00:37:52

- Dirk Lawson wants a day of pampering

00:37:53

at Burke Williams Spa.

00:37:55

- Must be another Dirk Lawson.

00:38:01

- Dave Keckler wants some Nike shocks.

00:38:03

- Okay, well, obviously,

00:38:05

we have a new development in the story.

00:38:07

Confirmation that Santa must have been sighted

00:38:10

because we have his book right here.

00:38:12

- What's your name?

00:38:13

- I'm Charlotte Dennon, New York One.

00:38:17

- D. Charlotte Dennon wants a Tiffany engagement ring

00:38:22

and for her boyfriend to stop dragging his feet

00:38:24

and commit already.

00:38:25

- Oh.

00:38:30

- We've got power.

00:38:31

- Charlotte? Charlotte?

00:38:34

- Hey, turn the cameras back on.

00:38:36

- Who told you to say that? - The real Santa.

00:38:38

We need to get these cameras back on.

00:38:39

He needs our help.

00:38:41

- But some spontaneous Christmas caroling

00:38:43

has broken out right here in front of Central Park.

00:38:45

Let's have a listen in.

00:38:46

[singing Santa Claus is Coming to Town]

00:39:13

- Just a little more.

00:39:27

- You're not singing.

00:39:29

- Yes, I am.

00:39:31

- No, you're not. You're just moving your lips.

00:39:33

- Santa!

00:39:36

- Michael, please. What's the big deal?

00:39:37

- Dad?

00:39:40

- [singing] Santa Claus is coming to town.

00:40:05

- Goodbye.

00:40:07

- Not like the old days.

00:40:08

- Charlotte?

00:40:10

- Man, anyone admit just like a little tear

00:40:13

in the corner of your eye maybe?

00:40:14

Yeah, right, Russ?

00:40:17

I mean, don't you want Santa to be real?

00:40:20

I mean, don't you?

00:40:22

Every time I see a Christmas movie is like I want that.

00:40:24

I wish there was a fat guy who gave gifts

00:40:28

and reindeer pulled his sleigh.

00:40:30

I want that. Most of us do.

00:40:32

We think, "Oh, that would be so great."

00:40:35

And it's because baked into all of us

00:40:38

is the desire for the transcendent.

00:40:41

Baked into all of us is a belief and a yearning

00:40:45

for the miraculous, a belief and a little yearning

00:40:48

for something above us, beyond us,

00:40:52

greater than us that reaches down to us

00:40:55

in a way that Santa did.

00:40:56

And it's true, it's just that his name is Jesus.

00:41:00

His name is Jesus and he is the very son of God,

00:41:06

in the family of God, who reaches down to us.

00:41:09

This is the story of Christmas.

00:41:11

Let me read it for you as we close today.

00:41:13

It comes the book of Matthew, and here's what it says:

00:42:19

Jesus dealt with what it was like to be an orphan.

00:42:25

One of the biggest criticisms that was against him

00:42:27

and they used to dig at him all the time

00:42:29

is they would -- they were in essence

00:42:31

the religious ruling leaders

00:42:32

would call him a bastard to his face.

00:42:35

They would tell him, "We don't know who your dad is.

00:42:37

Oh, yeah, right. We heard this Holy Spirit one.

00:42:39

Yeah, Yeah."

00:42:42

He felt what it was like to be rejected

00:42:46

and to not have a family that was up to snuff,

00:42:49

up to standards with everybody else's

00:42:51

or what they thought it should be.

00:42:55

He had a miracle that is beyond Santa

00:42:58

and a flying fat white guy in a sleigh.

00:43:01

He actually got born

00:43:03

when there was never any sex that happened with his mom.

00:43:06

Why is that?

00:43:07

It's because that gave him the ability

00:43:10

to have a life that he lived sinless,

00:43:12

so that when he goes to a cross

00:43:14

and he dies on the cross, he can die for me,

00:43:16

not die for his own stuff.

00:43:17

Therefore I don't have to get punished for my own stuff.

00:43:19

My father adopts me as an orphan kid

00:43:23

who's got all kind of issues into his family,

00:43:25

and I don't have to pay for all my thievery.

00:43:27

I don't have to pay for all my five finger discounts,

00:43:31

because Jesus has for me.

00:43:33

I know this sounds crazy.

00:43:34

Of course it sounds crazy.

00:43:36

And we should expect if there is a God

00:43:39

and he comes to us, we should expect crazy.

00:43:41

In fact, if there's not a God

00:43:42

that supersedes the natural every once in a while,

00:43:44

it's called supernatural,

00:43:46

then we shouldn't believe in God at all.

00:43:48

Let's just believe in the times table,

00:43:51

and my dad will help you out with that really, really well.

00:43:54

And you can get everything the times table gives you

00:43:56

and nothing that's an X factor

00:43:58

that you'd acquire from the power of God.

00:44:00

This is the story of Christmas, except it happened,

00:44:03

it really, really happened.

00:44:06

And 2000 years of history and change,

00:44:08

cultures and eyewitnesses say that it is,

00:44:12

that he's come to be with us

00:44:15

and he wants to be with you.

00:44:18

Maybe you've been an orphan.

00:44:20

Maybe you felt like an orphan

00:44:22

and you want to come into his family right now.

00:44:25

If so, you just pray a prayer like this.

00:44:27

Just repeat this after me.

00:44:29

God, I want to be in your family.

00:44:33

And I ask that you forgive me for my sin.

00:44:36

That's all right. You say it. Say it.

00:44:39

And I asked you come into my life right now.

00:44:43

And I asked you, fill me with your Holy Spirit.

00:44:47

I give you my life right now.

00:44:51

In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

00:44:54

And God, I pray for anyone who said that prayer

00:44:57

and anybody who needed be reminded of

00:44:59

the time we said that prayer

00:45:00

when we came into your family.

00:45:02

God, we want to shake off, shake off the old person

00:45:05

that's having an orphan mentality,

00:45:08

just is too cynical, too fearful,

00:45:12

too unexpecting of your love and grace.

00:45:16

We are your children and we want to claim that identity

00:45:20

and walk in that this Christmas season.

00:45:22

You're good to adopt us and love us.

00:45:25

And I pray these things in your name, Jesus. Amen.

00:45:30

- Well, hey, thank you so much for joining us.

00:45:32

And I hope you enjoyed Brian's message.

00:45:34

But I want to make something really clear.

00:45:36

I say it a lot, but as much as we hope

00:45:38

you enjoyed what you just watched,

00:45:40

we are community and not content.

00:45:42

We're a church that you can belong to.

00:45:44

And if there's anything that I or Crossroads can do

00:45:47

to just encourage you, to nudge you along

00:45:50

in your journey with God, hey, just send me an email.

00:45:53

It's that simple.

00:45:54

It's not a chat bot, it's not a team.

00:45:55

It's just my email Andy.Reider@crossroads.net.

00:45:59

If there's anything I can do, or be praying for you about,

00:46:01

I would love, love, love to do that.

00:46:03

Secondly, just know the holidays,

00:46:06

while they're a really joyful time in lots of ways,

00:46:08

they can also be just a really lonely time.

00:46:11

They can be a really, really challenging time.

00:46:14

We've got some amazing resources we've put together

00:46:16

that can help the holidays, man, be a time

00:46:19

where you grow and are encouraged.

00:46:21

You can check those out at crossroads.net/care.

00:46:24

We'd love to just do anything we can

00:46:26

to encourage you and help you heal

00:46:29

and grow this holiday.

00:46:30

Lastly, we do all this stuff

00:46:32

not because it's convenient, not because it's easy,

00:46:35

but because it is worth it.

00:46:37

And we just know that when we trust God,

00:46:39

yes, with our time, with our talents and with our money,

00:46:43

with our resources, God can do more with it than we can.

00:46:46

That's why my wife and I, Rachel,

00:46:48

why we choose to give to Crossroads

00:46:50

and why we'd love to have you consider

00:46:52

joining us in that.

00:46:54

If you want more info on where our money goes

00:46:56

and how we spend it, head to crossroads.net/give.

00:47:00

Hey, next week we're going to be hearing again

00:47:02

from Brian on a Christmas classic.

00:47:04

We hope to see you then.

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