How to Deal With Others in a Healthy Way | Don’t Panic: Week 3

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[music: Tears for Fears, Everybody Wants to Rule the World]

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- Everybody wants to rule the world,

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at least that's what it seems like if I turn on the TV

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or scroll through my newsfeed in the midst of this election year.

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But don't panic, take heart because there is a third option.

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And today we're talking about what does it mean

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to have peace from Jesus in the midst of this election year?

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I'm really excited about it.

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And the first thing that we're gonna do is

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we're actually going to sing together.

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We're going to worship God together the way

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that people who have been in relationship with God

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and wanting relationship with God

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have been doing for thousands of years.

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And so turn up the volume, go full screen,

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and let's point our attention to God through song right now.

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- God, that's who you are.

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That's who we see you to be all throughout Scripture.

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So God, because we see that we can come into a place like this

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with confidence that we can trust You.

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You are who you say you are.

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So we ask that you would see us just being in this place,

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just watching online as us inviting you to come,

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breakthrough in our lives so that we would see You for who you are.

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It's in Jesus's mighty name that we pray.

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Amen.

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Man, come on guys, it's so good to worship with you guys.

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We're going to make a big place feel a little bit smaller.

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I just want you to be a good neighbor and just turn to somebody

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and just say, Democrat or Republican?

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That's all.

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Just kidding. Just kidding.

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Say a quick hi and then have a seat, all right?

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- Well, hello, Crossroads, I'm Jennie Chacon,

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one of the leaders of Woman Camp.

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Now camping with thousands of other women

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can be a life changing, beautiful experience.

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But let's be real, it can also be a little bit uncomfortable.

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But this is an opportunity to be brave

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and to push ourselves and to go to new places.

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And you're not going to be alone.

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Personally, the reason that I am willing

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to go outside of my comfort zone is because I believed

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to the core of my being that no matter where you come from

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or what you do, no matter if you love to camp

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or if you'd rather be getting your nails done,

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you have a father that loves you

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and has incredible plans and purpose for your life,

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that He wants to set you free and unleash you

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into the fullness of who He created you to be.

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- I'm not a camper.

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I've never slept outside before.

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I'm really glad that I got the experience

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and this has just been transformative for me.

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- I came here just looking to have a good time with my friends

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and meet good women.

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And I met myself and I met Jesus.

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And I am so, so grateful for my experience here.

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- I got here and found people who want to help me

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through this hard time that I'm going through.

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- All of the hurt, all of the pain,

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all of the disappointment was washed away in that water today.

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And I feel like a completely new person.

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- I feel set free, it's like I can breathe again.

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I feel like those chains have been like ripped away.

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- I feel given another chance.

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I feel like a new creation.

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I really do.

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- Coming here and spending time with God has allowed me

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to understand that my Heavenly Father has chosen me,

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I am worthy of everything that God has planned out for me in my life.

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- I believe that together we can face our fears and find freedom.

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If you want to go to new places with God,

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Woman Camp is for you and I cannot wait to see you here.

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- I have loved getting to experience God at camps through Crossroads

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because I experienced something different

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when I go outside of my comfort zone and I get into nature

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and with other people to experience Him

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and I want that for you.

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I actually won't be at Woman Camp this year because

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that weekend they'll be having a baby girl.

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But nonetheless, I think that God has great things for you

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to experience there with Him.

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And I think He has something unique to say to you.

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And there's something powerful about getting to hear from God

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in the midst of community, in the midst of being with other people.

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You know, there might be someone who lives right near you,

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who's part of your church, who watches church online

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and lives just a block away from you.

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We have this sweet tool on the Crossroads website

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where you actually can look at a map and see groups

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and locations and people who are near you who want to connect.

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And so if you had to crossroads.net/connect,

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you can filter that map in different ways and see groups,

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see locations, or see people.

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I have friends who have moved to new cities

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and use the map to make new friends

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and to connect with other people who are part of their church.

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And they've gotten the best out of their new city,

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the best out of their relationship with God

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and the best out of these new friendships because

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they chose to connect with other people near them

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who are part of Crossroads.

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And I want that for you.

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You know, I tend to travel a decent amount.

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And whenever I am watching Crossroads services by myself,

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my favorite viewing experience is

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in the Crossroads Anywhere app because

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I can take Crossroads Anywhere I go with me

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and the services are there, podcasts are there,

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articles are there.

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And it's a great experience for me as an individual.

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But more often than not, I actually enjoy getting to watch church

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and experience church and worship alongside of my family

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and my friends in my living room.

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And the best experience for that is that I have

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the Crossroads App downloaded on my TV through Apple TV.

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And we actually have a Crossroads App for Apple TV,

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Roku and Amazon Fire.

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And so if you regularly watch at home

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and you want to do this with other people,

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which is the best way to experience church,

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I would encourage you to download one of the Crossroads apps

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on your TV and go full screen, turn up the volume,

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and have a more immersive experience in your living room

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through watching on one of the Crossroads TV Apps.

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A couple of years ago we were sitting

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around the dining room table with some family

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and one of my family members shared that

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he had started tithing for the first time

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and it totally made me unexpectedly emotional.

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And when I processed that with God, it was because

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what was happening was I realized that that family member

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was serious about his relationship with God.

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And I knew he was serious about his relationship with God

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because he chose to tithe, to give God his first 10%

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and do that through giving to the church.

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And maybe you're in a place where you want to get serious

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about your relationship with God.

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You want to tell Him what He means to you

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and you want to be obedient to the things

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that He asks us to do as followers of Jesus.

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And one of those things is to tithe,

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to give our first 10% to the church.

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You today could tell God that you're serious about Him

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by tithing, maybe for the very first time.

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If you want to head to Crossroads.net/give,

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you can do that online and find out more about

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what it means to be a giver and what it means to be a tither.

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And today in our series Don't Panic, Take Heart 2020,

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we have a guest speaker and we're going to be talking about

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how to get along with people that we disagree with.

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- Well, Chuck was right and wrong about something last week.

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First of all, you have no idea how stressful it is.

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He's totally right, how stressful it is to dress yourself

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before you come and speak onstage in a political series.

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Like can't have any red, can't have any blue.

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Somebody's going be reading into that.

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I have gray and white on.

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Cannot read into this.

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Now, someone's going to be coming up in a little bit

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to help me out here who has red on.

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I assure you, he was not thinking politics when he put red on.

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So I agree with Chuck on that.

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I tell you the thing I disagree, I hope he's wrong.

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Really? Chuck is the pastor you like?

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That's what he said last week.

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He said he's the pastor you like.

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Do you not like me?

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Do you not like me?

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You're not even like reacting, you're like,

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"Yeah, that's really true."

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Fine, fine.

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Wow. OK.

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Well, I like me.

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God likes me.

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I think my mom likes me, but--

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Oh, my.

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Chuck also talked about something else

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that was really, really insightful.

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He said, "Hey, we can vote on certain things.

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Voting on the left, voting in the right, voting for this.

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But regardless of what we vote on, we have to get engaged.

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We have to get engage with our world.

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We have to be a part of people's lives.

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I'm reminded of that as I just found out

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there's someone who's going to be doing a story

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on our church this week having to do with

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the amount of medical debt that we retired as a church.

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We recently got done with a series called The Blessed Life.

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And so many of us are doing things differently financially

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because we're sensing the blessings of God

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and we want God more involved in our life.

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And we had a special thing in there, it was just like one week.

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It was like a two minute thing, just a two minute deal,

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virtually, eh, five minutes at the end of one of the times

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I said, "Hey, if anybody in here,

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any of us who are already tithing, already tithing,

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and we want to go to a new place just for a one time deal,

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we're going to be able to retire medical debt for

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people who have been in massive, massive problems through medical debt.

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And we can basically have a one hundred to one

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or something like that in terms of what we give

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through Rest in Peace Medical Debt,

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that buys medical debt from other, from hospitals and such.

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And do you know how much medical debt we retired?

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We eliminated $46.5

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million in medical debt.

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$46.5 million a month in medical debt.

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The partner we work with said in a one time shot, one time act,

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that's the largest amount of medical debt

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that has ever been retired in one shot.

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Come on. Who's excited about that?

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That is amazing.

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It's amazing.

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We started to get stories that have come in with all the folks,

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$42 million of that money went to folks in the Cincinnati area

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and then $3.5 million to our sites

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and people who are part of Crossroads in places outside of Ohio.

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And here's just one of the stories that came back.

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Someone said this:

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Isn't that's sweet? [ applause ]

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I read that and I actually get happy, I get happy.

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It makes me feel good. Makes me feel blessed.

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And it should you as well.

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One of the key verses that's trying to tie

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our series together comes the book of Matthew 5 when it says:

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Blessed are the peacemakers, they shall be called Sons of God.

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Blessed are the peacemakers.

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That's how the ESV, the English standard version of the Bible.

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The Bible has been translated in all kinds of languages

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for people in every corner of the globe

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out of its original languages of Hebrew and Greek.

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That's the translations.

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The one we use mostly on stage here

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is the English Standard Version.

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It's kind of a literal version, word for word.

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But the one I've been using my personal time with God

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recently has really been fresh for me.

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It's called the Common English Version, the CEV.

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And that verse I just ran across it in my time with God

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just the other day actually.

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And I was struck by how it translated.

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It says:

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Happy, I read that and I was like,

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"Happy? That's ridiculous.

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The Bible doesn't say, 'Happy.'"

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I just happen to know Hebrew and Greek,

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so I said let's check it out. So I went in.

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I actually know where, I did take courses on that,

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I actually know where to get the answers.

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So I was like, let's go figure it out. What you know?

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That's a good little iteration of that word, happy.

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And I thought about it, I thought, could that be why

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nobody seems to be happy any longer?

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Because we're so into antagonistically interacting with each other.

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And I'll tell you what, whoever gets happy during an election cycle?

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No one gets happy except for the 50% after the election cycle is over

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who happen to have won.

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My heart is broken how much we have been stolen from

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based on how our political process operates.

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And God does want something different for you and different for me.

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I was at a conference in Washington, D.C.

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a few months ago

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and there's this guy who got up to speak.

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I'd never heard about him before.

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And he spoke and I just sat there going,

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"Wow. I really -- I really need it.

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That was really helpful as far as describing

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how we are so antagonistic and not at peace with one another,"

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or in his words, how we are so polarized.

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So fortunately, he decided to come here this weekend here to Crossroads.

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He's a pretty interesting guy.

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I don't know how many people you've been around

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who've spoken to the United Nations.

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I never have done that. I know if you have.

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I don't know how many people you've been around

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who spoken at the National Press Club.

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I don't know how many you've been around

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who've been covered and interviewed by places like

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The Washington Post and others, all kinds of stuff.

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He's a pretty, pretty smart guy.

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And he's got some stuff that all of us will benefit to hear.

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So please welcome my new friend Andrew Hanauer to our stage.

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Come on up, Andrew. [applause]

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Oh, I forgot, we were going to --

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Come on up.

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We're supposed to do the -- you can help me.

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Pull the political thing, go ahead and pull it for me.

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You wanted to pull it. This is our myth meter.

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There we go.

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What myths do we have here, Andrew?

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That's a myth. Not sure.

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Go ahead pull it, I know you want to pull it again.

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I'll let you pull it two more times.

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Go ahead. There it is.

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And here's another myth for us today.

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Not true. American President, in case you don't know.

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One more time. One more time.

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Here it is. It is this myth is --

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is actually true,

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but we believe that people who disagree with me hate me.

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That doesn't necessarily have to be true.

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It doesn't.

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But we do believe that, we're acting that way.

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Andrew understands this.

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He understands the neuroscience behind it.

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Andrew, talk to us today. [applause]

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How's everyone doing?

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Are you excited to talk politics at church?

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Yes. All right.

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You know, I'm an optimistic guy,

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but I want to start with the bad news,

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which is why I think that you guys brought me here today,

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which is that I work with people who are really smart,

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who've spent their whole lives trying to resolve conflict

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and violence around the world, East Africa,

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the Middle East, Eastern Europe, Asia.

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And about four or five years ago,

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they started leaving those places and they came here

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because the rhetoric, the division, the polarization,

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the divisiveness was getting so bad that they said,

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"Ut-oh, we need to get here before it gets too late."

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So I think that's why we're here.

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It's a big topic. I could talk about it for five hours.

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I asked to talk about it for five hours.

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I said, "If you're gonna invite me,

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I want to talk about it for five hours.

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And I want to pull the lever thing three times."

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And they said, "You could have 20 minutes,

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but we'll let you pull the lever."

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So it worked out OK.

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You know, in many ways, I think the reason

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I do the work that I do around polarization

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is because the story of how I became a Christian

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is actually a story about polarization, believe it or not.

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When I got to college,

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my roommate and I were polar opposites, right?

00:28:07

I was from the West Coast.

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He was from the East Coast.

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I rooted for fantastic, awesome sports teams.

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He rooted for sports teams from Philadelphia.

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No one's perfect.

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I was raised in a secular, totally non-religious house.

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I had no interest in religion.

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I didn't like religion.

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I didn't really want anything to do with religion.

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He was raised in a sort of traditional evangelical Christian home.

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His dad was a seminary professor.

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I mean, he didn't just go to church on Sundays.

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He went to church on days

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when I didn't even know that church happened.

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I mean, we'd be hanging out in the dorm room

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and he'd be getting dressed.

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I was like, "OH, where are you going?"

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He was like, "I'm going to church."

00:28:48

I was like, "Cool. Isn't it Wednesday?"

00:28:51

It was mind blowing.

00:28:54

The politics were different, too.

00:28:57

Not surprisingly, we were --

00:28:58

we didn't disagree about everything,

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but we were pretty far apart on a lot of issues.

00:29:02

In 20 years I think we voted for

00:29:04

the same candidate for President one time, just one time.

00:29:08

Once or twice we voted for different candidates

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and they both lost, which in a two party system

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it takes real work, but we made it happen.

00:29:19

The one thing that we had in common

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was that we had both lied on our college roommate form.

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We had said that we were neat,

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because we hoped we'd get a roommate who was neat.

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And instead because God is a just God

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and because also sometimes has a sense of humor,

00:29:33

we got each other and that's kind of how it worked out.

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But even as we disagreed about so many things,

00:29:39

so many things, and even as messy as he was, [laughter]

00:29:43

we became close friends.

00:29:47

And I want to just pause with that first, right?

00:29:49

You can be friends with someone who you deeply disagree with, right?

00:29:54

And that should not be radical,

00:29:55

but I feel like in 2020, that's a little radical.

00:29:57

Raise your hand if you are friends with someone

00:29:59

who you deeply disagree with about issues?

00:30:03

That's good. That's healthy, all right.

00:30:07

Here's the other thing, though.

00:30:08

As we got to know each other,

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as we got to talk about politics and religion

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and of all other things,

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I became really fascinated by the story of the Gospels.

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It really touched me. It was very unexpected.

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I didn't think I wanted anything to do with it,

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but I fell in love with it.

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And eventually I decided that that's what I wanted for my life.

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And I became a Christian.

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I changed my mind about something that was really, really important.

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And I want to sort of be clear about why.

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I didn't change my mind because someone lectured me,

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because a stranger came to me with their facts, right?

00:30:44

I changed my mind because I had a relationship with someone

00:30:47

who cared about me, who I cared about, who I knew loved me.

00:30:51

And so I was able to to judge something on the merits of it

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and not based on whether or not it was coming from my team.

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That's pretty radical in 2020 too, right?

00:31:01

Judging something by its merits,

00:31:04

and not by whether or not it's coming from my team.

00:31:08

So this brings us to the main point I want to sort of make today.

00:31:12

So take out your notepads, your pens, your phones.

00:31:15

Get this down, this is really important.

00:31:17

OK?

00:31:18

Polarization is stupid and we are better than this.

00:31:24

Polarization is stupid and we are better than this.

00:31:28

We're gonna bust some myths today.

00:31:30

I think in busting those myths, we're gonna be really telling a story.

00:31:34

Right? It's the story about our country that we love,

00:31:38

a country where right now the loudest, most divisive voices

00:31:41

are trying to pull us apart.

00:31:43

Where millions of us are silent because we don't know where we fit in

00:31:48

or because we think if we speak up, we're gonna get shouted down.

00:31:52

It's a country where we've definitely lost trust in our politicians.

00:31:56

Yeah, maybe we should, but we're also losing trust in each other.

00:32:02

And if you feel like this is wrong,

00:32:03

if you feel like it doesn't, shouldn't be this way,

00:32:06

then take heart because for one thing, you're not alone.

00:32:10

So let's tackle the first myth today is the myth that you saw up there.

00:32:16

Not the one about the dog milk.

00:32:18

That was super weird.

00:32:21

But the other one, the one about people who disagree with me hate me.

00:32:27

Now, let's be clear, first of all,

00:32:29

that even if someone does hate you, Jesus is still pretty clear

00:32:32

about what you're supposed to do about that, right?

00:32:33

He says to love our enemies.

00:32:37

I think the exact phrases love your enemies.

00:32:39

Right?

00:32:41

So He's very clear, so we should keep that in mind.

00:32:42

But yes, people who disagree with me hate me is a myth.

00:32:46

We even have a word for that.

00:32:48

It's called metaperceptions.

00:32:50

Right?

00:32:51

A metaperceptions is: I think your team hates me, so I hate you back.

00:32:57

I think your side hates me, so I hate you back.

00:33:01

But here's the good news.

00:33:03

We are wrong about our metaperceptions .

00:33:05

In one survey of Democrats and Republicans,

00:33:09

they were off by 250% about how much the other side hated them.

00:33:14

250 percent.

00:33:16

I can't think of any job where if you're wrong by 250%,

00:33:20

you don't get fired. Right?

00:33:22

But that's how wrong we are.

00:33:24

And the good news is that when when Democrats, Republicans,

00:33:27

anyone finds out that the other side

00:33:29

doesn't hate them as much as they thought,

00:33:31

it starts this kind of positive, positive feedback cycle, right?

00:33:35

I can't tell you how much joy this brings me in my work.

00:33:39

You know, we go around the country bringing people together

00:33:41

from different religions, different politics, races

00:33:44

to do work together.

00:33:46

And when you see someone who thought that another group hated them

00:33:49

or dislike them and you see them become friends

00:33:53

and you see the barriers crumble and, you know,

00:33:56

Christians and Muslims and Republicans and Democrats,

00:33:58

and they realize that God is so much bigger

00:34:01

than these divides that we've created in our heads.

00:34:04

It's amazing.

00:34:07

Polarization is stupid, folks.

00:34:10

We can do better than this.

00:34:12

So what we're gonna do today is we're gonna go after three myths

00:34:15

that kind of fuel that first myth, right?

00:34:17

We'll call them bonus myths you get for myths

00:34:20

for the price of one today.

00:34:22

The first is that:

00:34:23

people who disagree with me agree with

00:34:25

the loudest, most divisive voices on their team.

00:34:28

Not true.

00:34:30

People who disagree with me

00:34:32

are all on the extreme end of the political spectrum.

00:34:35

Not true.

00:34:37

And people who disagree with me are motivated by negative things.

00:34:40

That's also not true.

00:34:43

But first, you know, when we talk about polarization,

00:34:45

I want to be clear, there's sort of a difference between polarization

00:34:48

and what we'll call toxic polarization.

00:34:50

Right?

00:34:51

So polarization is just I disagree with you.

00:34:53

That's normal. That's healthy.

00:34:55

That's good.

00:34:56

I don't think any of us want to live in a country

00:34:58

where we all agree about everything.

00:34:59

That would be creepy. Weird.

00:35:04

Here's an example of healthy polarization, right?

00:35:06

So healthy polarization.

00:35:08

We have a debate in this country about what you call soda.

00:35:13

Right?

00:35:14

Some of us call it soda.

00:35:16

Some of us call it pop.

00:35:18

People in the south where my wife is from called Coke,

00:35:20

even if it's a Pepsi, they still call it Coke.

00:35:23

I don't know how Coke pulled that off, but well done.

00:35:28

Look, guys, I call it soda.

00:35:30

I know I'm right.

00:35:33

Right. You're wrong if you don't.

00:35:35

But that's OK. Like we can still we can disagree about that.

00:35:38

It doesn't have to become this battle of I hate you, I hate your team.

00:35:41

That's healthy polarization.

00:35:43

More importantly, guys, there's gonna be times

00:35:47

when things are just right and wrong.

00:35:48

Right?

00:35:49

Being concerned about polarization doesn't mean

00:35:51

you give up your values, you compromise what you care about,

00:35:54

you come to the sort of mushy middle.

00:35:56

No. Stand up for what you believe in.

00:35:59

It's right to stand up for what you believe in.

00:36:02

But toxic polarization is the stupid kind.

00:36:05

It's it's changing from, "I disagree with you," to,

00:36:09

"I don't like who you are.

00:36:10

I don't like your team."

00:36:12

Right? "I don't like your team."

00:36:14

It's basically us vs them team sports polarization.

00:36:19

Here's why it's toxic.

00:36:21

When we get into these two teams, the way things work,

00:36:27

we don't stay here, we go like this.

00:36:29

Right?

00:36:31

We get farther and farther apart.

00:36:33

Over the last 40 years, Americans haven't changed their mind

00:36:36

much at all about their political views,

00:36:38

but they hate the other side a lot more.

00:36:41

How does that happen?

00:36:42

Doesn't it feel like something's changed, something's different?

00:36:46

It's not -- You're not wrong.

00:36:48

It's because even though we haven't changed our minds

00:36:50

about all these issues, we hate each other a lot more.

00:36:55

Polarization is stupid.

00:36:58

So in the last five years, the United States ranks 195th in the world

00:37:05

in terms of how quickly we're going like this.

00:37:08

So we are we're going this way.

00:37:12

And guys, there's only 195 countries in the world, so we rank last.

00:37:18

All right. So bonus myth number one is: my opponent agrees with

00:37:22

the loudest, most divisive voices on their team.

00:37:24

This is false.

00:37:25

The reason you think it's true, a reason it persists

00:37:28

is actually because of peer pressure.

00:37:30

Right?

00:37:31

Picture a middle school cafeteria.

00:37:33

Does that bring back happy memories, terrifying memories, maybe?

00:37:38

So now picture a middle school cafeteria

00:37:40

with 350 million people in it

00:37:42

and a lot of them are watching cable news all the time.

00:37:44

Right?

00:37:45

That is what's going on.

00:37:46

So how does peer pressure create this larger division?

00:37:51

To talk about that, I want to show you

00:37:53

probably the weirdest thing you've ever seen at a church.

00:37:59

What do you guys see?

00:38:03

You see faces, right?

00:38:05

Does everyone see faces?

00:38:06

Did you see faces like instantly?

00:38:07

Do you see emotions?

00:38:10

Surprise, maybe fear?

00:38:13

How many actual faces are on that screen?

00:38:17

Some people say four and then they go, no, no, no.

00:38:19

five.

00:38:20

Like, no, no. There's no faces, guys.

00:38:22

Those those are peppers.

00:38:23

Right? They're not faces.

00:38:25

Why do you see faces where they don't exist?

00:38:28

This is why.

00:38:31

We are wired to see faces.

00:38:33

We are wired to see faces because we want to know

00:38:35

if something is a threat to us.

00:38:37

We want to know if it's going to hurt us or not.

00:38:40

And that's also why we formed groups a long time ago,

00:38:42

we wanted to form into a group for protection.

00:38:44

Originally, we needed protection from lions.

00:38:47

Today, we're less likely, statistically speaking,

00:38:50

to get eaten by a lion.

00:38:52

We're more likely to die because we're texting

00:38:54

and we wander into the street.

00:38:56

But we still form groups for the same reason.

00:38:58

Right?

00:38:59

Here's the thing, when you walk down the street, if you're not texting,

00:39:02

if you're actually looking at the people out there,

00:39:04

your brain does the same thing that it does with that lion.

00:39:07

You look at a person and you decide

00:39:09

within a quarter of a second whether they're in your group

00:39:13

or they're not in your group.

00:39:15

Right?

00:39:16

So we are wired for this kind of us vs them thing, it's built into us.

00:39:21

And here's the main point, once we're in a group,

00:39:24

the thing that we most want is to stay in the group.

00:39:29

What happens if we get kicked out?

00:39:31

Where do we go?

00:39:34

And so when people in our group are being loud and divisive

00:39:37

and hateful and negative, a lot of us stay silent.

00:39:40

Because the scariest thing is what happens

00:39:43

if we get kicked out of our group, where do we go?

00:39:44

Who will protect us from lions, right,

00:39:48

or whatever the modern equivalent?

00:39:50

So we stay silent and the other side sees that and says,

00:39:53

"Look at those people. They're all okay with this."

00:39:57

And so we get further and further apart.

00:40:01

It doesn't have to be this way.

00:40:04

All right. Bonus myth number two:

00:40:06

my political opponent, people who disagree with me

00:40:08

have extreme politics.

00:40:10

Guys, we are actually less divided than we think we are.

00:40:13

I want to show you some proof.

00:40:15

Here is a picture of what Democrats and Republicans think about

00:40:18

immigration, which is probably the most divisive issue we have.

00:40:22

So you can see some folks are on the far left of that.

00:40:25

Some folks are on the far right.

00:40:26

There's a lot of folks in the middle.

00:40:28

There's overlap.

00:40:30

There's a lot of folks who disagree,

00:40:31

but they're within range of each other.

00:40:33

Maybe they could compromise or negotiate.

00:40:36

That's what Democrats and Republicans think about immigration.

00:40:39

This is what Democrats and Republicans

00:40:41

think the other side thinks about immigration.

00:40:45

All right? Let's see those together.

00:40:50

So we are half as divided on the actual issues as we think we are,

00:40:55

but our polarization is so toxic, so stupid that we don't even realize

00:40:59

when we have a lot in common that we agree on.

00:41:03

Right? We're better than this.

00:41:06

Lastly, we have a myth that our opponents, our political opponents,

00:41:11

people we disagree with have negative intentions.

00:41:15

Raise your hand if you've ever been cut off in traffic while driving.

00:41:20

What did you assume about the person who cut you off?

00:41:25

They're a jerk. They're rushing.

00:41:28

They just want to get ahead.

00:41:29

They don't care.

00:41:30

They could have hurt me. I mean, they could have hurt you, right?

00:41:32

And you might be right. You might totally be right.

00:41:35

That's fair.

00:41:37

You know what's coming, right?

00:41:39

Raise your hand if you've ever cut someone off in traffic.

00:41:43

Why'd you do it?

00:41:46

You were late.

00:41:47

I'll tell you why I cut people off in traffic

00:41:49

because my kids are in the backseat doing exactly the things

00:41:52

that I've been talking to you about for the last 15 minutes

00:41:54

that Democrats and Republicans do to each other.

00:41:56

And I get distracted.

00:41:57

Right?

00:41:59

We are wired to believe that our side acts out of love

00:42:03

and their side acts out of hate.

00:42:05

Right?

00:42:06

Again, it's not about giving up your position on an issue.

00:42:08

It's just about what's motivating the other side.

00:42:11

We think we're motivated by love and they're motivated by hate.

00:42:16

But again, we get it wrong.

00:42:18

Research shows that people who try to guess the motives

00:42:20

of other groups are like hilariously wrong about the outcomes.

00:42:24

Right?

00:42:25

They get it so wrong.

00:42:28

I think part of what props up that myth is that, I mean,

00:42:30

let's be honest, politicians, right?

00:42:32

We see the politicians on the other side

00:42:34

and they live out our worst fears about those folks.

00:42:37

But guys, forget about politicians for a second.

00:42:39

Think about your neighbors.

00:42:40

Think about the person sitting next to you right now.

00:42:43

What are their motivations?

00:42:45

Ask them. Right?

00:42:48

We are less divided than we think we are.

00:42:50

All right, so what does this all mean for us as Christians?

00:42:53

Well, the one thing I want to ask you to think about doing today,

00:42:57

the number one thing that we can do to fight this

00:43:00

is to go do something positive with someone who's not like you.

00:43:05

Go do something positive with someone who's not like you.

00:43:08

When we're faced with these teams, one of the things

00:43:11

that we need to do to keep us from going like this

00:43:15

is to build that sort of connective tissue, right?

00:43:18

I'm a Democrat. We call it a cross-cutting identity.

00:43:20

I'm a Democrat. You're a Republican.

00:43:23

But we both serve the homeless together.

00:43:25

We both care about the victims of domestic violence.

00:43:28

We both want to see racism ended.

00:43:30

We both care about families being healthy and whole.

00:43:32

We do these things together and that connects us.

00:43:35

This is not mushy.

00:43:37

Guys, this is what keeps societies together.

00:43:40

In countries around the world with strong cross-cutting identities,

00:43:43

civil wars are 12 times less likely, 12 times less likely.

00:43:49

So go work together because the solution to our divisions

00:43:52

is not to come to some sort of mushy middle,

00:43:54

to compromise our values and learn to tolerate each other.

00:43:57

It's to roll up our sleeves and get to work

00:44:01

on things that matter in our communities.

00:44:04

So go do something positive

00:44:06

and do it with someone who doesn't vote like you,

00:44:08

do it with someone who doesn't look like you,

00:44:10

do it with someone who doesn't worship like you.

00:44:14

You know, politics, politicians do a lot of talking.

00:44:18

Talk is cheap. Politicians talk a lot.

00:44:20

Angry people on the Internet talk a lot.

00:44:23

But there's this old saying from the civil rights movement that I love.

00:44:26

It says, "Don't tell me what you believe.

00:44:30

Show me what you do, then I'll know what you believe."

00:44:34

Right? [applause]

00:44:39

Everyone's talking about their values.

00:44:41

Let's live our values.

00:44:43

Matthew 25, Jesus says:

00:44:59

That's what we need to be doing.

00:45:01

That's what we need to be doing out in this world,

00:45:03

not talking about it, but doing it.

00:45:05

So we have a choice: We can be part of the problem as Christians

00:45:11

or we can be a beacon of light.

00:45:13

And the rest of the country can know what we believe by what we do.

00:45:17

Thank you so much. [applause]

00:45:27

- Andrew, very good.

00:45:29

Every time I hear you talk about this, I get more and more out of it.

00:45:32

The tribe thing, that's just a --

00:45:35

spell that out more again for the tribes

00:45:37

because I read a book a while ago on called Freakonomics.

00:45:41

A lot of people in here have.

00:45:42

It looked at the hidden reasons why things are.

00:45:45

One of the interesting things the guy arrived at was

00:45:48

when these gangs are fighting, the actual gang leaders,

00:45:52

they want peace because they're making money, they're doing fine.

00:45:55

But the violence gets started by the younger guys

00:45:58

who are trying to make their mark in the world.

00:46:00

And that's why there's a this and I just I get a sense,

00:46:04

like in our climate, we probably have most Republicans

00:46:09

and most Democrats who would really like peace,

00:46:10

but it seems like there's some vested interest to divide us.

00:46:14

- Yeah, polarization is a multibillion dollar industry, right?

00:46:17

If you want to sell a book,

00:46:19

if you want to raise money for your cause,

00:46:21

if you want to get elected,

00:46:24

if you if you want to be popular in social media.

00:46:26

nuance is not exciting.

00:46:29

They are evil.

00:46:30

That's what sells. That's what makes money.

00:46:33

And I think, again, it's not just that

00:46:34

that's landing on us in a vacuum.

00:46:36

It's landing on us with brains that are wired for it,

00:46:40

that go, "Yeah, I want that."

00:46:41

And so it's we're just feeding it.

00:46:43

But it's absolutely vested, very wealthy interests that are doing this.

00:46:47

- Yeah. Very few of us probably say something like, "They are evil."

00:46:49

We're more comfortable with, "They are idiots."

00:46:53

- Yeah.

00:46:54

- You know they -- that's just another form of that.

00:46:59

You even coming into a relationship with Jesus,

00:47:02

that was difficult for you because the whole tribe thing, right?

00:47:05

- Sure. Yeah. I mean I grew up in a community where if I said,

00:47:08

"Yeah, I've decided to become a Christian,"

00:47:09

people, at best my perception was,

00:47:11

that people would look at me like I was crazy.

00:47:13

Right?

00:47:14

Part of what's interesting is that our perceptions are often wrong.

00:47:17

And my family has been so supportive and loving.

00:47:21

My friends have been so supportive, even if they don't agree with it.

00:47:24

But my perception was that I was taking this enormous risk.

00:47:27

That I was going out into the wilderness

00:47:29

and that all of the people I grew up who cared about me

00:47:32

were gonna leave me.

00:47:33

We're gonna say, "I don't want to make do with you.

00:47:35

You've been brainwashed."

00:47:36

So it's interesting also that we think other people

00:47:39

are gonna act more negatively toward us than they actually are.

00:47:42

- How close to a civil war do you think we are?

00:47:45

- You know, I don't think that we're close in terms of like time.

00:47:48

But what I think we are is on a really negative trend.

00:47:50

So what you want --

00:47:52

I mean, what you want to do is cut off bad trends

00:47:54

before they get too far. Right?

00:47:56

So I think it's alarmist to say,

00:47:58

"Oh, we're going to have a civil war tomorrow."

00:47:59

I think it's complacent to say, "Oh, we're fine.

00:48:02

Guys, everything's fine.

00:48:03

You know?

00:48:04

We're not shaking each other's hands in the Oval Office or whatever,

00:48:07

but otherwise everything's fine."

00:48:08

That's not true.

00:48:10

But I think the trend is what we're worried about.

00:48:12

- It's really crazy, you showed the immigration thing up there.

00:48:16

In the verse I was talking about earlier is

00:48:18

happy are those who make peace, or blessed are the peacemakers.

00:48:22

It just dawned on me like how crazy would it be

00:48:26

if a Democrat would say, "Oh, and by the way, I think that we should --

00:48:32

that immigrants should follow the laws of the land."

00:48:35

How crazy would it be for a Republican to say, "Oh, by the way,

00:48:39

I think we should have compassion for immigrants who are here."

00:48:42

- I mean, those are two simple basic things

00:48:45

that you tend to not hear in either side.

00:48:49

You just gave me a reason for it,

00:48:50

because we don't want to be deemed a traitor to our tribe?

00:48:55

- Yeah. Or we're afraid that if we disarm and they don't disarm,

00:48:58

then it'll just pull everything farther towards them.

00:49:01

I mean, Trevor Noah, the comedian, has this great skit

00:49:04

where he talks about, you know, when you get really angry at someone

00:49:07

and you're ready to just unload and then they apologize unexpectedly

00:49:11

and you're like, oh, right.

00:49:13

Like, I wasn't expecting that.

00:49:15

But you're still really angry, so you have to calm down a little bit.

00:49:19

People are so, I think, ready for that kind of message.

00:49:23

I was watching the debates with my wife and we were shocked

00:49:26

by how all these opportunities the candidates have.

00:49:28

These are people on the same team.

00:49:29

Right?

00:49:30

And still they kept passing up chances

00:49:32

to say good things about each other

00:49:34

and instead would say sort of good things about each other,

00:49:37

which they then use to like, you know,

00:49:38

make a point that they were better.

00:49:41

I think we're just sick of it, honestly.

00:49:42

I mean, I think I think we want better from our leaders.

00:49:45

- Yeah, things are -- [applause]

00:49:50

Right. Yeah, the -- Well, I respect Joe Biden's years of service,

00:49:57

but he's so old, he really can't run it.

00:49:58

It's just -- It's all just a one up.

00:50:04

I think one of the things that I feel and I think

00:50:09

when I interact with people who are different than me

00:50:11

and have different views of me, and specifically,

00:50:14

the only difference that really matters to me is,

00:50:17

"Do you know Christ or do you not know Christ?"

00:50:20

Because that's what I'm really concerned about

00:50:22

with your heart and where you're going.

00:50:26

And I remind myself when I'm in those like, (sound effect)

00:50:29

that I'm I'm playing on a different level.

00:50:31

All of us should be playing on a different level.

00:50:34

Jesus has nothing to do with alcohol.

00:50:39

Meaning -- I'm sorry if you've got a opinion on that,

00:50:40

He's just not going to.

00:50:41

Jesus has nothing to do, He didn't speak in the tobacco.

00:50:45

He has nothing to do, he doesn't speak into firearms.

00:50:48

Get it? Alcohol, tobacco, firearms.

00:50:50

He has nothing to do with the tax code.

00:50:53

He has nothing to do with the Republican Party's politics

00:50:56

or the Democratic Party's politics.

00:50:58

What do I mean He has nothing to do with it?

00:51:00

What, I mean by that it's not central to His mission.

00:51:04

His mission is this: He dies on a Cross, all of my garbage,

00:51:09

all of my venom, all of my, you know,

00:51:12

spewing of calling people stupid or whatever

00:51:16

is transferred on His back and all of His goodness,

00:51:19

all of His righteousness is transferred to my back.

00:51:22

So actually, when God looks at me, my identity is I am loved,

00:51:26

I'm cherished is His son.

00:51:27

That's what a Christian is.

00:51:29

It's not how you vote. It's that.

00:51:31

That's really serious.

00:51:32

It's that simple.

00:51:33

And it is only that, only that.

00:51:36

And so what it means is when someone gets really upset

00:51:39

about my faith in Christ leads me to believe this, but not my identity

00:51:44

or leads me to say this, they all get freaked out.

00:51:47

But I have to remember, I have an identity that God has given me.

00:51:51

All they have as an identity is that political belief.

00:51:55

And so they can't really give up on that or talk about it at all

00:51:58

because their whole world would crumble.

00:52:01

That's what happens, friends, when your world is centered

00:52:03

on just ideas that are out there.

00:52:06

it crumbles.

00:52:07

- I think we need to be, as Christians,

00:52:11

we need to be starting with our faith and then working outward.

00:52:13

We might get to different viewpoints on different issues.

00:52:17

Right?

00:52:18

But it starts with what does Jesus say?

00:52:21

And then it flows outward.

00:52:22

It doesn't start with what is on cable news?

00:52:25

And then I bring that to church with me.

00:52:26

Right?

00:52:27

It's got to be flipped. We've got to flip that.

00:52:29

And I hear pastors all around the country tell us that.

00:52:31

I say, I've got our folks for one hour a week.

00:52:34

Cable news has them every night.

00:52:36

And we need to flip that.

00:52:37

- The problem is, we don't think that way.

00:52:39

We don't -- we're not we're not smart enough to say,

00:52:40

"Well, that's really what's informed me."

00:52:42

We're not. We're not. We just --

00:52:44

We have been formed by the ways of the world.

00:52:48

We're not being formed by the ways of Christ.

00:52:50

But no, we're we don't see it that way.

00:52:51

t's just that that's the new station that has truth.

00:52:54

Friends, we've got to be better.

00:52:58

We have to be better.

00:52:59

And those of us in this room,

00:53:01

whether you know Christ or not know Christ,

00:53:03

you've come into an environment where you're up for this kind of talk.

00:53:06

We have to be better.

00:53:08

Our country has to be better.

00:53:09

Where are the leaders who will give hope?

00:53:12

Where are the leaders that will give peace?

00:53:15

One last little graphic for us on hope

00:53:18

that shows kind of the polarization,

00:53:19

how the kingdom of God is different than the right and the left.

00:53:23

I think we have it up on the screen.

00:53:25

We can show it here right now.

00:53:26

Yes.

00:53:27

What is our reason for hope?

00:53:28

If you're conservatives on the right, it is:

00:53:40

If we're on the left, if we're liberal:

00:53:50

So right there, there is this built in tension, which, by the way,

00:53:54

who builds this tension for us?

00:53:57

Who creates this tension?

00:53:59

- Well, I mean, I think that there's real pain

00:54:02

and real problems in the world.

00:54:03

And I think that we develop ideologies around them.

00:54:06

I think what gets problematic is when we take those

00:54:08

and we divorced them from the core teachings of Jesus.

00:54:11

I mean, you can have an ideology,

00:54:13

but if your ideology leads you to a point where you say,

00:54:15

"I'm not going to help this person because

00:54:18

they're not in my political group," or whatever it is,

00:54:20

then you've lost touch with what you are supposed to be doing.

00:54:23

- Right. I would also say what would we feel if we knew

00:54:28

that there was a corporation that was spending

00:54:30

hundreds of millions of dollars to influence you,

00:54:34

a corporation that was looking for power

00:54:36

and was spending hundreds of millions of dollars for that?

00:54:40

You would say, "Really?"

00:54:41

Yeah, it's called Republican and Democrat parties.

00:54:45

They are corporations that have to have

00:54:49

hundreds of millions of dollars for their power.

00:54:53

And they live -- They live in this tension.

00:54:56

They want to exasperate this tension.

00:55:00

Yes?

00:55:01

- Yeah. I mean, it's their jobs to win.

00:55:03

Right?

00:55:04

And sometimes they're not equal in terms of

00:55:06

how right they are about issues, but either way, their job is to win.

00:55:09

It's not to follow the core teachings of our faith.

00:55:12

It's not where they're at.

00:55:13

- Right. So the Kingdom, which is the purple, the radical middle,

00:55:16

it says this, or at least our hope is:

00:55:30

And then we can figure out what to do with the elements of truth

00:55:33

that might be in the red

00:55:34

or the elements of truth that might be in the blue.

00:55:37

Hey, let's thank Andrew for being with us today.

00:55:40

Good stuff, brother.

00:55:42

Good, good stuff. Thank you. [applause]

00:55:46

All right. I want to give us a couple more things

00:55:49

and then we're done. We're really, really done.

00:55:52

Is this series being helpful so far?

00:55:54

Is it being helpful? [applause]

00:55:56

I just tell ya, you know, our attendance has gone down

00:56:00

and may continue to go down.

00:56:02

And that's fine with me.

00:56:05

That's fine with me. [applause]

00:56:08

We will be a place where you'll be pushed intellectually,

00:56:12

you'll be pushed spiritually.

00:56:14

And if you only want your church to be an amen corner,

00:56:16

this is not the right church for you.

00:56:19

Not the right church for you. [applause]

00:56:22

I care about you too much to just have you sucked into the vortex

00:56:25

of what happens over there.

00:56:26

And specifically I care about my call before God too much

00:56:30

to be silent on basic no-brainer things that are in the scriptures

00:56:35

and every single hero of the faith has lived out, every one.

00:56:38

This is not controversial, weird thinking.

00:56:41

This goes to the core of who the church has always been when it's right.

00:56:45

Now, if this is intriguing for you hearing talk like this,

00:56:49

I can't do this all the time on stage.

00:56:51

Other people speak on stage.

00:56:52

I've got a lot more God's doing in me

00:56:53

that I'm trying to get out to help people.

00:56:56

And I think it's important, in fact,

00:56:57

I hope you have people you're trying to help.

00:56:59

I hope you have people who are following you.

00:57:03

The Bible tells us we should have that.

00:57:04

In the book of 1 Corinthians 11:1,

00:57:07

the apostle Paul says follow my example:

00:57:10

Imitate me as I follow Christ.

00:57:13

You want to know Christ? Imitate me.

00:57:15

Moi.

00:57:16

The Book of Philippians, he also says a similar way.

00:57:19

He says this:

00:57:27

Practices these, whatever I'm doing, practice these things.

00:57:31

Over and over and over again this happens

00:57:32

again and again and again and again.

00:57:34

I just want to say I would like to help you

00:57:36

if there is any way I can help you.

00:57:37

And one of the ways I want to is being stuff

00:57:41

that's being put out on social media.

00:57:43

If you want a diet of this kind of stuff

00:57:45

versus other stuff that's out there swirling around, you can do it.

00:57:48

You can follow me on Instagram @BrianTome.

00:57:52

Recently I do Q& A's every other week where people ask questions.

00:57:54

I've heard that it is very, very helpful for them to hear.

00:57:57

We'll put a couple of them up there on the screen,

00:57:59

the kind of stuff that's there where people go,

00:58:01

"Oh, I didn't know that I could ask that question.

00:58:05

I didn't know there was a place where I could get help.

00:58:07

There's questions that people ask that I can't put on screen

00:58:12

in a church service that are really good and they need to be answered.

00:58:16

And you can find that.

00:58:17

You can find out stuff about what I'm doing with family

00:58:21

or how I'm having fun or whatever.

00:58:22

It's just a way to connect i f you want a different voice,

00:58:25

that might help you get a little closer Christ

00:58:27

or just have some levity in the midst of your day.

00:58:30

So you can check that out.

00:58:31

And we're not going to be doing politics 24/7 here.

00:58:36

We're not. We're not gonna do that.

00:58:38

It's not going to happen over and over and over again.

00:58:40

It's going to be turned off after this series.

00:58:44

Then where you can pick it up or be helped from here on forward

00:58:47

if you want to is another channel we started

00:58:50

called The Radical Middle.

00:58:51

When you leave here today, you're going to get a bumper sticker

00:58:54

that you can put on or you can throw away if you want.

00:58:56

If you're going to throw it away,

00:58:57

don't take it because they cost a lot of money.

00:59:00

Don't Panic, The Radical Middle.

00:59:02

And there is a social channel we started called The Radical Middle

00:59:05

where we're trying to help and see we can have peace

00:59:07

no matter who the president is.

00:59:08

We can always put people over politics.

00:59:10

We can get to a new place.

00:59:12

And I want to ask you to go and follow us.

00:59:14

Follow us on The Radical Middle.

00:59:16

Follow me at @BrianTome if you want help,

00:59:19

if you want something that's a little bit different,

00:59:21

because I think God has something different for you

00:59:25

than what our culture is giving to you and I.

00:59:28

Let me pray for us right now.

00:59:29

God, thank You for the truth You've given us.

00:59:31

Thank you for voices like Andrew.

00:59:32

Thank you for a great country we live in

00:59:34

called the United States of America.

00:59:37

There's no other place I'd rather be

00:59:40

and there's no other time I'd want to be in then right now,

00:59:43

this critical time in our nation's history.

00:59:45

Help us to be the ones who give peace

00:59:47

and we have the blessing of happiness.

00:59:50

Amen.

00:59:52

Have a great week. We'll see you next weekend.

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