Dust It Off and Do It Again | Rebuilding Community After Being Hurt

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[music: Crossroads Music, Count Me In]

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- Well, hey, everybody, welcome to Crossroads.

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Actually, I read this stat recently that

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loneliness is like smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

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Now I'm fighting a cold right now,

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so I feel and sound like I've been smoking 15 cigarettes.

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But today we're talking about the antidote to that.

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We're talking about friendships.

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My name is Andy Ryder, the community pastor

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of Crossroads Anywhere. I'm here with my friend Victor.

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- That's right. Gracias, amigo.

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Like Andy said, my name is Victor,

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Community Pastor of Crossroads en Espanol.

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And whether you go to any of our sites

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or watch from around the world connecting in English

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or Espanol we're so glad that you're here.

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- Yeah, we'd actually love to know where you're watching from.

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There's a QR code up on the screen.

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We'd love for you to enter your name

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and where you're tuning in from

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so that we can connect with you and know.

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Man, we've got people all over the map.

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But first, we're actually going to use some songs

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to connect ourselves to God, to remind ourselves

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what God says is true about us

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and what the Bible says is true about him.

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So don't just use these as a playlist,

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use these as a chance to start a conversation

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with the God of the universe.

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- Yes. So let's connect together. Let's turn it up.

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Stand up if you can

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and let's worship and connect with our God.

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- That's right. Love it. Thanks so much for joining us.

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Let's jump in right now as we sing, as we worship,

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connect with God using this time right now.

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- You can just consider these words

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and let's do it together. Let's go.

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- Now take a breath.

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- I don't know if it's hard for you

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to sing those words about yourself based on, I don't know,

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last night or the week you've had or the year you've had.

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But that is what we believe about you

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to the core of who we are,

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that you've got a creator who deeply loves you,

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who made you for so much more than you can ever imagine.

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And I hope that's at least a part of

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why you came into this place today.

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The three words for me that I've found

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Jesus on the other side of,

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I've found life and freedom on the other side of,

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three words that are still so hard for me to say:

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I need help.

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You can ask my wife how hard it is for me to say that.

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It just doesn't come natural.

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But on the other side of those three words

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is where I found life and freedom.

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A life with Jesus looks like those three words in action:

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I need help.

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And this next song has been used

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for over a thousand years to help people who follow Jesus

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say those three words: I need help.

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And it's an old one.

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It's a prayer written over a thousand years ago,

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so it sounds old, it's got thou and thee and arts in them.

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And we didn't pump it into AI to update it. Alright?

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It's just we kept it what it is

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because the heart's still the same.

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A thousand years ago, a guy following Jesus

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till needed to say I need help.

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So would you be thou my vision,

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be thou my wisdom, my light?

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Would you guide my heart back to what really matters?

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So take a breath.

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If you need to close your eyes to center yourself.

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And then I invite you to do something dangerous and say,

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I need help, God.

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- I love that song. It's one of my favorite hymns.

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I love the reminder that it is that

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God's vision for our lives might be different than our own.

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And part of what it is to follow Jesus is every day say,

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God, I want to see my life, I want to see myself,

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I want to see my friendships,

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I want to see my church community,

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I want to see my life more the way you see it.

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So God, would you inform, would you be our vision?

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I just want to pray for that for all of us right now.

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Father, would you help us to see ourselves

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and to see each other the way you see us?

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God, give us your vision for our lives

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and for the lives of those around us. Amen.

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And before we jump in today, I actually want

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to do something with everybody joining us online.

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One of the coolest things about Crossroads,

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and one of the visions that I love about our church

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is the picture that we have people joining

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from all, all over the place.

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So we put a QR code up on the screen. We did that earlier.

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We'd love to know where you are tuning in from today.

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- Yeah. So grab the phone and scan the QR code.

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Just tell us where you're streaming from,

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we would love to say hi, and we would love

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to know where you're coming from.

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- Yeah, maybe you're at home in Cincinnati,

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maybe you're traveling this weekend,

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maybe with some friends or hundreds

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or even thousands of miles away.

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We just want to know that you're here.

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- Yes. So while that comes up,

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if you haven't scanned the code, drop your city in.

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Let us know where you're gathering from today.

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And you know, Andy, one of the things that

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I really appreciate and gotten to love about our church

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is the fact that we can be connected,

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doesn't matter where we live.

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- Yeah. That's right.

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So we've got lots of folks coming in.

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We've got Tim and Wanda in Tampa,

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we've got Andrew in Auburn.

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Who else we've got here?

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- Yeah, we got Corey from Virginia Beach.

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We have Kimberly in Myrtle Beach. So all the beaches.

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Yes. Vicky in Hamilton.

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- Yeah that's right.

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We got people from all over the world watching.

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I want to special shout out people near and dear

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to my heart in Batesville, Indiana. Love you guys.

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Thankful for your faithfulness.

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Meeting for almost a decade now.

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And in Bolivia, we actually got to hang out

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with our Bolivia folks a few months ago.

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- Right, so Ola and Neela and all the beautiful community

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from Bolivia, Los Alamos. Yes.

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- That's right. That's right.

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And our community, brothers and sisters

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that are part of our Crossroads Anywhere community

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meeting in prison. So thankful for you guys.

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We love. We've got tens of thousands of you.

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Man, I don't know who you are.

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I don't know, you might be watching the screen by yourself,

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but hey, you need to know you're not doing this alone.

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There are real people on the other side of the screen

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growing alongside you.

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- That's right, and so wherever you're joining

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from us today, you are part of this.

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You're part of this community

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and we're just excited to be here with you.

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- Yeah, and that actually leads perfectly into

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what we're going to do next, because

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being a part of Crossroads isn't the same

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as just going to a building.

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It's actually about making connections.

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Let's hear Josh's story now.

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- Every one of these seats has a story

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about what God has done. This is Joshua's story.

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- When I moved here, I didn't know anyone.

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I just looked up Cincinnati, like, what's in Cincinnati?

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Um, what can I do out there?

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I checked out Oakley and first time there was definitely awing,

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walking in I was just like, wow, this place is huge.

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During service, they were like,

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you know how they have the announcements,

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join a small group, get to know people.

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Which I've now found that at Crossroads,

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you really can't like have intentional relationships

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unless you do that, just because of how big Crossroads is,

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you need to kind of -- you need to join a small group

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or go to smaller events to really get to know people.

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They say, go to welcome center if you're new here,

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they'll help you get plugged in and meet new people.

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And I was like, I need to meet people in this,

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not only this big church, but this new city.

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I met Demanuel Montgomery at the Welcome Center

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and he directed me to a young adults event at Uptown.

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The funny thing is, he wasn't going to be there, so he was --

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He told me about a friend of his who he knew would be there,

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and he was like, "Hey, when you get there, ask for this guy.

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Tell him that I told you to go

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and he should be able to, like, help you out."

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I just kind of walked in and found his friend,

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and then from there kind of just got bounced around

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being introduced to a bunch of different people.

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I started volunteering at the Welcome Center

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and I was just like, fun.

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It was just, to me it was just another opportunity

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to hang out with people.

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You end up serving with the same people

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pretty much every single time.

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It was just being with community.

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It was just hanging out.

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I showed up to Bible study on Tuesday,

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saw a couple familiar faces that I had met.

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I felt like that was what kind of took me deeper.

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Being vulnerable in that group has meant a lot

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because I didn't have to hold in

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the thoughts or emotions that I was experiencing.

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From wanting a fresh start, being in a new city,

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trying to find community, trying to rebuild

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my relationship with God.

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One of the guys I was in Bible study with,

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he had a group of friends, which we called Back Porch Crew.

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And we would just, we would hang out randomly.

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I actually met one of my groomsmen in that group,

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also met my future wife, which is pretty nice too.

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I met another one of my groomsmen.

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He was like, "Let's all go to Man Camp together,"

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and it was an amazing experience.

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I feel like really helped me understand who Christ is

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and how he loves me.

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I'm not a huge crier.

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At Man Camp I cried a lot because that was

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pretty much marked one year in Cincinnati.

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It was kind of just full, full circle moment.

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Just being grateful for everything,

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grateful for community, grateful for brotherhood,

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for the guys I was there with,

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the relationships that have been built

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because if they weren't here,

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my story definitely wouldn't be what it is.

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- Man, I love Josh's story and just the idea

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that you don't just show up at a place,

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you get to know people, you get to make connections.

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And we want to give you a few things

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that are happening around Crossroads

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that can help you get connected around here.

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One of the first things especially exciting

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for Crossroads Anywhere, one of the biggest goals

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for our 10X initiative is ten cities in ten years.

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We want to go where God is already moving

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and find people who want Crossroads to have

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a physical presence in their city

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and start building community like Josh experienced there.

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- And that's already happening.

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We've been doing actually these things

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we call the Crossroads live pop ups

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in different cities around the country close to us.

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And we were just recently in Cleveland.

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And next up is Louisville.

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- Let's go Louisville. Yes. Saturday, October 17th,

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we're taking over the Mercury Ballroom,

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and this is where you can help us, right?

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You can be the person to help make a connection.

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If you know somebody in Louisville just right now,

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send them a text, send them the info, seriously,

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just say something simple like, "Hey,

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I think you might love this.

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My church is coming to Louisville. Go check this out."

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That could be just how something much bigger starts.

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- Yeah. And for those of you who are already

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part of Crossroads from somewhere outside of Cincinnati,

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you know this firsthand.

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Crossroads doesn't have to start with the building.

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It actually starts with people.

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- Yeah. That's right. We've said this before,

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but the best thing about Crossroads isn't

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the stuff to watch. It's not the music.

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It is the people.

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And speaking of people, we've spent

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the last couple of weeks talking with people

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who make Crossroads happen, or volunteers.

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And hundreds of you recently raised your hand

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to start serving, which is awesome.

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I just want to say thank you. Well done.

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- Yes. And talking about people,

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there's another group of people that we want to recognize.

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These are the ones who are faithfully giving.

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Generosity, it's a spiritual discipline,

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but it also fuels the mission of Crossroads.

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Things like new cities, Crossroads Anywhere,

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Crossroads en Espanol,

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the work that we do to fight human trafficking

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without people that are sacrificing

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and investing what God is doing here,

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we will not be able to do this.

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- Yeah. That's right.

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And hey, next Wednesday, September 30th

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is an important night.

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So if you are a tither or on the Blue Team

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or someone who's made a 10X commitment,

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you should have received an invitation.

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And Anywhere people who don't live near a physical site,

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this is for you too.

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You don't have to be in Cincinnati for this.

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We'd love for you to join the the stream

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and be a part of family meeting.

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You should have the invitation in your inbox, or go to

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Crossroads.net/familymeeting for the info.

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- That's right. And if you think you should

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receive an invitation but didn't check your junk folder,

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it's happening to me a lot recently.

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If it's not there, just email giving@crossroads.net

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and the team will help you out.

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- Yeah. And whether giving is already a regular part

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of your sort of practicing of your faith

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and walking that out, or maybe you're just starting

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to explore what that could look like for you,

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hey, no stress, no pressure.

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But you can get your questions answered

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anytime at crossroads.net/give.

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- Yes. And so in just a moment,

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we're going to hear from our friend Chuck Mingo

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where, you know, you know, Chuck, he's amazing.

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And today he's going to talk about

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something that every single one of us needs.

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- Yeah. Friendship, friendship.

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And I think we know this intuitively,

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but I was actually just talking with somebody in the atrium,

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an Anywhere person came by and they said,

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"Man, friendship just gets harder the older you get, right?

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Like it just is difficult."

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So we're going to hear from Chuck Mingo right now

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about how we can experience

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meaningful friendship in our lives.

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[music: Friends, Whodini]

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- All right, all right, that's enough.

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That's enough. A little Hhodini for your Sunday morning there.

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That's right, that's right.

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If you know, you know.

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A woman came up to me after the service.

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She said you had me about to break out in the wop,

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which again, if you know, you know.

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So, hey, I'm so glad to be here today.

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And we're talking about friendship.

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And by the way, I just want to welcome you to my back patio.

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You know, they asked if they could come over

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to our house and take a couple pictures

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of what we get to enjoy every evening.

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I said, sure, you know, I wish more people could see my --

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That is not my back patio. I wish it was.

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I wish it was, but it is not.

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But actually, I want to start though

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by giving some shout outs because last Sunday

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I went up and visited Crossroads Dayton.

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Can we give it up for Crossroads in Dayton?

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Oh man. And it was so cool to see the power of friendships

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all throughout that campus.

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But there's one story that I just,

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I gotta share it with you guys.

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I got introduced to a sixth grader. His name is Ty.

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And Ty is the reason not one, not two,

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but three generations of his family

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are at Crossroads Dayton. It was amazing. It was amazing.

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And so Ty, I told you this last week,

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I'm saying it again, buddy, you have a leadership gift.

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God has given you a gift of leadership,

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and I can't wait to see what God does with your life.

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It was amazing seeing this young man

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who our church there is in a mall, or near a mall,

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and he said, "I want to go to church."

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And so because of him, his His mother and his grandmother

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are now involved in Crossroads Dayton.

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It was just a beautiful picture

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of what happens in a young man's life.

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And so we're talking about friendship today,

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but I'm coming at it from a different perspective

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because here's what I'm assuming.

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I don't think you need to be convinced

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that friendship is important.

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In fact, you probably, like me, heard a lot about

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the loneliness epidemic that's happening

00:27:52

in our country right now. Anybody heard of that?

00:27:54

Right. So I don't I don't think that's new information.

00:27:56

So what I want to talk to you today is

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the person in here who has tried friendship

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and it did not work.

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I want to talk to the person who is saying,

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"Really? Do I have what it takes to step into

00:28:09

this kind of friendship again? Is it worth it again?

00:28:13

Is it worth it having a group that stalls out again?

00:28:18

Is it worth it being ghosted on that text again?"

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Or maybe this one. "Is it worth it to risk betrayal

00:28:26

in a friendship again?"

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And I just want to tell you, I'm coming to you

00:28:30

as someone who has asked all those same questions,

00:28:33

because I've experienced all those things in friendships,

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even in friendships around Crossroads.

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And so I just want to ask you to trust me

00:28:40

right here at the outset.

00:28:42

And I know I may not have relational equity

00:28:44

with all of you enough to do that,

00:28:45

but I want you to trust me when I tell you this,

00:28:47

it is worth it to start friendships again.

00:28:51

That's what I want you to believe today.

00:28:54

You may not believe that now.

00:28:55

It may seem impossible for you now,

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but I pray that at the end of our time

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you believe it enough to take one brave step.

00:29:03

We talked about Joshua's story,

00:29:04

and I think that's an example of someone

00:29:06

who took one brave step.

00:29:08

But know this, know that when the video team

00:29:10

puts together someone's story in 3 to 4 minutes,

00:29:13

what you get are the highlight reels.

00:29:15

And I'm sure that if you talk to Joshua,

00:29:17

he will tell you it wasn't all straight line.

00:29:20

There was some risks.

00:29:21

There were probably some unreturned phone calls.

00:29:23

There were some things in the middle of it that

00:29:26

had to happen, but I think he would tell you it was worth it.

00:29:31

And I pray today that you believe that as well.

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Let's pray for that right now.

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God, thank you for the fact that you say that

00:29:37

you are a friend, that you call us friends.

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And so there is something in friendship for us

00:29:41

that unlocks an aspect of your character,

00:29:44

and honestly, an aspect of what we need to thrive.

00:29:46

So I'm praying today for people who, man,

00:29:49

may not feel up for leaning into friendship right now

00:29:53

for whatever reason.

00:29:54

And I pray that my words would disappear

00:29:56

and what they would experience

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over these next several minutes is your heart for them.

00:30:02

And I pray that that would be what inspires them

00:30:04

to take a brave next step.

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And I ask this in Jesus's name. Amen.

00:30:08

So if you are new to Crossroads, this might be new to you.

00:30:11

Or if you've been around Crossroads,

00:30:13

you've probably come across what we call

00:30:15

the Seven Hills We Die On around here.

00:30:18

We don't have values like on the wall,

00:30:21

but we actually have these seven things

00:30:23

that we believe so strongly in that we are willing to,

00:30:27

and in most cases, have taken hits

00:30:29

because we value these things so much.

00:30:31

Here's what they are.

00:30:32

The way to remember them is A, B, C, D, E, R, G.

00:30:35

I'm not going to go through all of them.

00:30:36

You can read them there.

00:30:37

I want to focus on the one right there

00:30:39

that we're talking about today: doing life together.

00:30:43

This is a hill we die on as a church.

00:30:46

And it's not only because it's a nice to have,

00:30:49

it's because, and I hope you see this today,

00:30:51

friendship is a spiritual imperative.

00:30:54

It is essential that we have spiritual friendships

00:30:58

that are helping to shape us and form us

00:31:00

more in the heart and in the direction of Jesus.

00:31:02

Brian last week talked about four core callings

00:31:05

that we all have in our life.

00:31:06

And if you'll remember,

00:31:08

one of those is the calling to be a friend.

00:31:11

And here's why we die on this hill,

00:31:13

here's the big idea today,

00:31:14

next to only your relationship with Jesus and your spouse,

00:31:19

your friends determine the quality

00:31:20

and the potency of your life.

00:31:23

If you have friends that are guiding you

00:31:25

in the right direction, you will fly higher.

00:31:27

You will. You absolutely will.

00:31:29

You don't even have to have it in you,

00:31:30

and they will pull you up.

00:31:31

If you have the wrong set of friends in your life,

00:31:33

they will pull you down no matter what you have in you.

00:31:36

And the same is true spiritually as well.

00:31:37

Your friends will determine the quality

00:31:39


00:31:41

And so one of the things that I look at in the Bible

00:31:43

and love are the examples of friendship.

00:31:45

Brian talked about one of, I think,

00:31:46

the most beautiful examples of friendship last week,

00:31:48

David and Jonathan.

00:31:50

And I'm just going to hit on that really briefly.

00:31:52

If you're not familiar with the story,

00:31:53

this is the soon to be King David of Israel.

00:31:56

But at the time, before he was king,

00:31:58

his closest friend was Jonathan.

00:32:01

Jonathan was the son of the current king, Saul,

00:32:05

which means that by rights,

00:32:07

Jonathan should have been next in line for the throne.

00:32:10

And Saul wanted to kill David

00:32:12

so David would never assume the throne.

00:32:16

And yet Jonathan loved David so much

00:32:18

that he was willing to put his relationship with David

00:32:21

above his desire for the throne, and quite frankly,

00:32:23

he put his relationship with David

00:32:25

above his unity with his father because he knew

00:32:27

that what his father was trying to do to David was wrong.

00:32:30

So David, as he's about to leave Jonathan

00:32:32

and run because Saul continues to try to kill him,

00:32:35

he says this to Jonathan in 2 Samuel 1:26.

00:32:39

He says: I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan;

00:32:42

very pleasant have you been to me;

00:32:44

your love to me was extraordinary,

00:32:47

surpassing the love of a woman.

00:32:50

And Brian said this last week,

00:32:51

this is not male romance in that way. It isn't.

00:32:55

This is a guy willing to take a bullet for his friend.

00:32:59

This is a level of ride or die friendship

00:33:01

that very few of us have ever experienced.

00:33:03

And David said, you have loved me so well.

00:33:06

And yet, if even hearing that friendship is important,

00:33:08

friends determine the quality and the potency of your life.

00:33:10

If you're still like, "Yeah, Chuck,

00:33:12

but I'm tapping out on friendship," I understand.

00:33:15

And it's probably because when you read that,

00:33:17

you say, "That's beautiful for David and Jonathan,

00:33:19

but that has not ever been my experience."

00:33:21

Or maybe recently I've had an experience

00:33:23

that's been painfully not that.

00:33:26

I want to tell you about a friendship of mine

00:33:28

that got tested recently in the last couple of weeks.

00:33:31

This is a guy that I have been doing life with.

00:33:34

We went through a critical formation experience together.

00:33:37

We've been on a weekly rhythm of connecting

00:33:39

and being in each other's lives, sharing our hearts,

00:33:43

praying together, praying for each other with each other.

00:33:46

We've had some experiences of fun and hanging out together.

00:33:48

Like this is a friend. This is a friend of mine.

00:33:51

And yet, over the ten years, there's been a topic

00:33:54

that we've strategically avoided: politics.

00:33:59

You feel me?

00:34:02

And a couple of weeks ago, we could no longer avoid it

00:34:06

because of a thing that I was doing

00:34:08

that I was committed to and I wanted him to understand

00:34:11

what was going on in my life.

00:34:12

And I could have easily just, you know,

00:34:14

as we did our weekly checkup, not talked about it,

00:34:16

but I'm like, no, I need to share this.

00:34:18

I need to bring this out.

00:34:19

And I just want to tell you, I was afraid.

00:34:21

I was afraid to have this conversation with my friend

00:34:25

because politics can be so polarizing.

00:34:27

I was afraid.

00:34:29

As we got into the conversation,

00:34:30

I shared some things, I shared my heart.

00:34:33

He shared some perspectives that were different from that.

00:34:35

There were points where I was offended,

00:34:38

and I felt like I was really being vulnerable,

00:34:40

because I wanted him to understand the values

00:34:42

that were bringing me to some of

00:34:44

the sets of decisions that I would make.

00:34:46

And so we had the conversation about politics.

00:34:48

And you know what happened?

00:34:51

Well, I'll tell you what happened in a minute.

00:34:53

But first, let me tell you what I was in my head

00:34:56

thinking were the outcomes.

00:34:58

I was like, there's an outcome that says

00:35:00

my buddy's not going to want to hang with me anymore.

00:35:02

And this is gonna be the end of the friendship.

00:35:04

He's going to walk away from the friendship.

00:35:06

This is going to be something that we can't get over.

00:35:09

I had -- it wasn't wasn't a true part,

00:35:11

but it was a part of fear, I was thinking that.

00:35:13

Here's the other thing I was thinking,

00:35:15

maybe I'm not going to want to be his friend anymore.

00:35:17

We're going to have this conversation,

00:35:19

there's going to be some things here that

00:35:20

just cut too deep and I'm not going to want it.

00:35:23

And here's the subtle, more devious one

00:35:25

that was also in my brain.

00:35:26

Maybe I just don't want to anymore.

00:35:31

I don't have to.

00:35:32

I got other people in my life.

00:35:35

But we had the conversation.

00:35:38

It was not the easiest conversation we've ever had,

00:35:41

but the friendship held.

00:35:43

We're still friends. We're still connecting.

00:35:44

We're still doing life together.

00:35:46

And here's the thing, I wasn't afraid to be --

00:35:49

I wasn't wrong to be afraid because it's a risky thing.

00:35:51

I was wrong to let fear, or even offense

00:35:55

keep me from a friendship that over ten years

00:35:58

has positively impacted the quality

00:36:00

and the potency of my life.

00:36:01

And so I just want to tell you, if you're in that place,

00:36:04

you can clap for that if you want to. [applause]

00:36:06

You don't have to. You don't have to.

00:36:07

Thank you, I guess. Thank you.

00:36:10

But here's the thing, I just know --

00:36:11

I want you to know I know what it's like

00:36:14

to have to ask that question:

00:36:15

Am I going to risk this again?

00:36:16

Because let me tell you,

00:36:17

I've had that break up some friendships.

00:36:20

There are some people that don't have friendships with now

00:36:22

because of that topic.

00:36:24

So it's not like I'm unaware of what that looks like.

00:36:26

And what I realized is, you know what?

00:36:28

If you're anything like me,

00:36:29

we can be really good escape artists when it comes

00:36:32

to friendships when they get hard, can't we?

00:36:34

All of a sudden, you know, we got a busy season

00:36:38

that we're in, but the busy season lasts a year

00:36:40

and we just cut off that friendship.

00:36:42

You know, we have a commitment to be somewhere,

00:36:45

but something comes up at work

00:36:46

and it just seems like there's a pattern

00:36:48

of something coming up in their work.

00:36:49

They don't say the friendship is over, but, you know,

00:36:52

you know what it's like when that happens.

00:36:55

And so I just realized for a lot of us,

00:36:58

this is a challenge and I'm going to say this

00:37:00

a couple times today, I'm Chuck and I'm your friend.

00:37:04

I want to be your friend.

00:37:06

And as your friend, I want to tell you the truth.

00:37:09

It is easier. It is way easier

00:37:12

to just form your life around people

00:37:14

who already think like you do, look like you do,

00:37:16

have all the same things you have.

00:37:18

That's an easy way to do friendship.

00:37:20

Only one problem: that is not the kind of friendships

00:37:23

we're committed to at Crossroads,

00:37:24

because it's not the kind of friendships

00:37:26

that Jesus calls us to as people who follow him.

00:37:30

It's also really easy to just tap out

00:37:33

on friendship altogether and say, hey,

00:37:34

I'm just going to do it on my own.

00:37:36

I keep people at arm's length.

00:37:37

Can I remind you, lone wolves die?

00:37:41

So that is not a place where we actually can live.

00:37:45

And so we have to realize friendships determine

00:37:47

the quality and potency of our life.

00:37:48

We've got to be willing to step into it.

00:37:50

Even Jesus chose not to do life alone

00:37:54

when he lived on the earth.

00:37:56

He chose not to do life alone.

00:37:57

So for the rest of our time, we're going to look at Jesus,

00:38:00

not Jesus, as the Savior, although he is the Savior.

00:38:03

We're not going to even look at him

00:38:04

as Jesus the Good Shepherd,

00:38:05

although he is the Good Shepherd.

00:38:07

But we're going to look at Jesus, the friend,

00:38:09

and particularly his friendship

00:38:11

with one of his closest friends, a guy named Peter,

00:38:14

because Jesus made some commitments

00:38:16

to his friendship with Peter.

00:38:18

And they're the same commitments you and I need to make

00:38:20

if we're going to do friendship again,

00:38:22

if we're going to have

00:38:23

our friendships go to the next level.

00:38:25

Those four commitments are:

00:38:27

habits, light, friction, and hope.

00:38:29

We're going to walk through all four of those.

00:38:31

Let's start with habits.

00:38:33

You know, I think the reason that my friend and I

00:38:35

were able to have a difficult conversation

00:38:37

and still be in relationship is because

00:38:39

we've had years of habits,

00:38:40

we've had years of habits of sharing emotional,

00:38:42

honest things with each other.

00:38:44

We've had years of habits of giving each other grace.

00:38:46

We've had years of habits of listening well to each other.

00:38:49

We have years of habits of enjoying each other

00:38:51

and understanding each other's hearts.

00:38:52

And those habits were able to help us

00:38:56

when we hit that spot of needing to have

00:38:58

a difficult conversation.

00:39:00

Jesus had habits of friendship.

00:39:03

Let me give you an example, Mark 1:16-18 says this:

00:39:06

Passing alongside the Sea of Galilee,

00:39:09

he, Jesus saw Simon.

00:39:11

And every time you see Simon today, that's the same guy.

00:39:13

Peter, Jesus would name him Peter.

00:39:15

Peter, but his name was Simon.

00:39:16

Simon and Andrew, the brother of Simon,

00:39:18

casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen.

00:39:21

And Jesus said to them, "Follow me,

00:39:23

and I will make you become fishers of men."

00:39:26

And immediately they left their nets and followed him.

00:39:29

Now, I gotta be honest, I used to read verses like this

00:39:31

and I would be really confused because I'm like,

00:39:34

they'd spent their whole life being fishermen,

00:39:37

Jesus comes and in one moment they like,

00:39:39

drop everything and go follow him?

00:39:42

And I was confused because that's the image

00:39:45

that all of the 70s and 80s movies about Jesus depicted.

00:39:50

I don't know if you've seen any of these movies.

00:39:52

Lots of them are really weird.

00:39:54

And in lots of them, Jesus walks around

00:39:56

like he is high all the time.

00:39:58

I mean, it's just like, am I right?

00:40:00

Like he's just walking, he's just walking around,

00:40:02

you know, just like not making eye contact.

00:40:03

He's just, you know, and so he walks to the Sea of Galilee

00:40:06

and he's like, come.

00:40:07

He didn't even look at them, he said, come, follow me.

00:40:09

And then like zombies, they drop their nets

00:40:11

and they're like, "Yes, we will follow Jesus."

00:40:13

It's just it's just weird.

00:40:15

I'm like, friendships don't work like that.

00:40:17

Relationships don't work like that.

00:40:18

And guess what? Neither did Jesus's.

00:40:21

Yes, we have this picture of him inviting them

00:40:23

into something deeper,

00:40:24

but that wasn't his first interaction with him.

00:40:26

We know that because we have different accounts

00:40:29

of Jesus's life, and in John chapter one,

00:40:32

we see an earlier meeting Jesus had with Simon,

00:40:35

who he would nickname Peter.

00:40:36

This is from John chapter one:

00:40:38

One of the two who heard John,

00:40:39

that in that case John the Baptist, speak

00:40:41

and followed Jesus was Andrew, Simon Peter's brother.

00:40:45

He first found his own brother Simon,

00:40:47

and said to him, "We have found the Messiah,"

00:40:49

which means Christ.

00:40:51

He brought him to Jesus.

00:40:52

Jesus looked at him and said, "You are Simon, son of John.

00:40:56

You shall be called Cephas."

00:40:57

Which means Peter, which means rock.

00:41:01

So Jesus had some level of engaging with Peter

00:41:04

before he did the come, follow me,

00:41:06

and he dropped his nets and followed him.

00:41:08

Jesus had habits and practices of friendship.

00:41:11

I'm thankful for guys in my life who have modeled this for me.

00:41:14

One of them, he attends the first service today.

00:41:15

I was talking to him or talking to him about this this week.

00:41:18

His name is Chris and Chris is Captain Intentional.

00:41:21

And Chris, actually our relationship started,

00:41:25

we think in 2017, 2018,

00:41:27

I was giving a message on friendship

00:41:29

and I actually gave a challenge at the end.

00:41:31

I'm going to give you one too at the end.

00:41:33

And Chris took me up on the challenge and he said,

00:41:35

"Hey, I want to have that connection with you."

00:41:38

We had been together, he had a nonprofit

00:41:40

that was helping people who are homeless

00:41:43

run half marathons and marathons.

00:41:44

And I came down and gave a talk and ran with them

00:41:46

back when I was in my running days.

00:41:48

And then a little bit later, he had moved to Geneva,

00:41:50

and we just happened to bump into each other

00:41:52

at the Paris airport.

00:41:53

I was on my way to India for a mission trip.

00:41:55

He was coming back to Cincinnati,

00:41:56

and it was one of those things.

00:41:58

We were like, man, we should get together

00:41:59

when you get back into the States.

00:42:01

And so he was back, and with intentionality,

00:42:03

he said, "Hey, let's build a habit around this."

00:42:05

And so for the last several years since that time,

00:42:08

Chris and I have built habits of friendship

00:42:09

that have changed my life, that have blessed my life.

00:42:13

We've done things like run together,

00:42:16

run half marathons together.

00:42:18

We've done things like hang out and have breakfast together.

00:42:21

We've done things like celebrating high moments

00:42:23

and challenging moments in each other's lives.

00:42:26

I officiated his mom's funeral.

00:42:27

Like we've just been in each other's lives

00:42:29

because there's been this habit that has been built.

00:42:31

You and I need habits to build friendships.

00:42:34

So let me give you a couple to think about.

00:42:36

One is practice the habit of saying yes.

00:42:38

We get invitations, people invite us to things,

00:42:42

hey, would you come do this thing?

00:42:43

I'd love to, you know, connect with you.

00:42:45

Say yes, say yes.

00:42:48

Who knows where that friendship might go.

00:42:50

Here's another one: Show up.

00:42:53

So it's one thing we say yes to it,

00:42:55

but then lots of times it's like,

00:42:56

oh, something came up, I gotta change.

00:42:58

No, show up, show up and keep showing up

00:43:01

because it communicates that I value this friendship.

00:43:03

And I'm amazed at what happens when you just have

00:43:05

a habit of saying yes and showing up

00:43:07

and how friendships grow over time.

00:43:09

Here's another one: stop lying. Stop lying.

00:43:15

What am I saying? What am I saying?

00:43:16

I promise you, you've probably done this lie this week.

00:43:19

When's the last time you told somebody we should connect?

00:43:21

We should, we should get lunch.

00:43:23

We should get coffee, right?

00:43:24

I mean, we we lie, we lie because it never happens. Right?

00:43:28

So let me give you a simple trick. Simple trick.

00:43:30

Next time you find yourself saying to someone,

00:43:32

we should connect, we should get coffee, do this.

00:43:34

I don't have mine on me right now,

00:43:35

but take out your phone and say,

00:43:38

"Can we see if we can do that in the next week?"

00:43:41

I'm surprised at how many times it's easier

00:43:43

to schedule something within the next seven days

00:43:45

than within the next 40 days. Just try it.

00:43:48

And guess what? If the next seven days don't work,

00:43:50

you at least say, let me get your information

00:43:52

and we will find a date that works.

00:43:54

It's a way to stop lying

00:43:56

and actually do the thing that builds friendships.

00:43:58

Speaking of this habit of friendships,

00:44:00

I don't know if you heard this or not.

00:44:01

There was a story that went viral this week of a woman.

00:44:03

I think she's from here who's actually going viral

00:44:06

because she's inviting strangers to coffee

00:44:08

to build friendships.

00:44:09

She's like, I want to know people in my community.

00:44:11

And it's gone viral.

00:44:12

That's a woman who's committed to a habit.

00:44:14

And I bet you that habit is going to produce

00:44:16

some friendships for her.

00:44:17

So I want you to be people

00:44:19

who practice the habit of friendship.

00:44:20

Jesus practiced habits of friendship.

00:44:23

Here's the second thing, though: Light.

00:44:26

You've got to be willing to bring light into a relationship.

00:44:29

And when I mean light, what I'm talking about

00:44:31

is you've got to be willing to be vulnerable.

00:44:34

At some point you got to go under the surface

00:44:36

and share more of who you are with someone in your life.

00:44:40

Now, let me be very clear, I am not saying that

00:44:43

you should share your deepest, darkest secrets with everybody.

00:44:46

Listen, everybody don't need

00:44:47

to know all the details of your life.

00:44:49

You hear me?

00:44:50

In fact, let me do a little coaching right here

00:44:52

because some of you, one of the trip ups

00:44:54

you have in friendships, you may not know it.

00:44:56

I love you, I'm your friend.

00:44:57

I love you enough to tell you

00:44:59

you are an over sharer and you're scaring the kids away.

00:45:05

You're scaring potential friends away

00:45:08

because within five minutes,

00:45:09

you've gone so deep in your life,

00:45:11

and they're trying to react to all the details.

00:45:13

Everybody doesn't need to know your hardest thing

00:45:15

within the first five minutes of meeting you.

00:45:17

Made me think about this meme right here.

00:45:19

You know, I like when you find yourself at that point.

00:45:25

And this is where I just got to be honest and tell you,

00:45:27

I'm a recovering over sharer, so I know, I know.

00:45:30

I say some things and my wife is like,

00:45:31

"Why did you say that? You just met those people."

00:45:33

I'm like, "Yeah, I probably shouldn't have gone that far."

00:45:36

Like I feel you, but this is where again,

00:45:39

we can learn from Jesus the friend.

00:45:42

I want to take you in a familiar story of Jesus,

00:45:44

but I want you to see a different perspective on it.

00:45:47

The night before Jesus was going to be tortured

00:45:49

and crucified, he gathered his 12 disciples,

00:45:52

his 12 closest friends, including Peter,

00:45:54

at a place called the Garden of Gethsemane.

00:45:57

And in the Garden of Gethsemane,

00:45:58

Jesus really was wrestling with

00:45:59

what was happening to him the next day.

00:46:01

I want you to read this story

00:46:02

and I want you to see this angle on it.

00:46:04

Says this in Matthew 26:

00:46:05

Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane,

00:46:08

and he said to his disciples,

00:46:09

"Sit here while I go over there and pray."

00:46:13

And taking with him Peter

00:46:15

and the two sons of Zebedee, James and John.

00:46:17

Those were kind of his core three.

00:46:18

He began to be sorrowful and troubled.

00:46:20

And listen to this: Then he said to them,

00:46:24

"My soul is very sorrowful, even to death.

00:46:27

Remain here and watch with me."

00:46:30

Powerful lessons from Jesus.

00:46:31

I want you to notice this.

00:46:32

He had his 12 with him in Gethsemane.

00:46:36

But do you notice he took from the 12 just his core three

00:46:40

and he went a little further with his core three.

00:46:43

And those are the people he shared

00:46:45

the deepest part of his heart with that night.

00:46:48

And I think the lesson for us is

00:46:49

not everybody has a right to your story.

00:46:53

Not everybody has a right to your story.

00:46:55

You can be in a small group of 12 people,

00:46:57

and maybe you can be in good relationship

00:46:59

with those 12 people.

00:47:00

That doesn't mean that all 12 of those people

00:47:01

have a right to your story.

00:47:03

There might be one that you trust

00:47:04

and you're willing to shed some light and go deeper with.

00:47:06

Because here's the thing, the other flip side of this

00:47:09

is if you are 99% known from all of your friends,

00:47:12

you are 100% unknown by anybody.

00:47:17

Someone needs to know you fully,

00:47:20

even as you fully know them.

00:47:21

You don't need that to be 12 people.

00:47:24

It might be one person, but someone needs to know you.

00:47:28

We need to have vulnerability in our relationships

00:47:31

in order for them to grow.

00:47:33

We all probably have nicknames for different,

00:47:35

you know, text threads.

00:47:36

One of the text threads on mine is Wolfpack.

00:47:38

That's what it's called because they're my Wolfpack,

00:47:41

those are the guys who know everything about me.

00:47:44

Those are the guys that when I'm having a good day,

00:47:46

they know it, when I'm having a hard day, they know it.

00:47:48

When I fail, they know it.

00:47:49

When I need prayer, they know it.

00:47:51

They know what's going on at a heart level with me.

00:47:54

And it's not ten people on that text thread.

00:47:57

There's four. Those are my guys

00:47:59

and they know things about me

00:48:01

because I need to have a place where I am fully known,

00:48:04

and so do you.

00:48:06

So you need habits of friendship.

00:48:08

You also need to shed light

00:48:10

and be willing to be vulnerable with somebody.

00:48:12

You also need to be okay with friction in a friendship.

00:48:17

I love the verse in Proverbs 27:17 that says,

00:48:19

as iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another,

00:48:24

or one woman sharpens another.

00:48:26

Real friends sharpen you.

00:48:29

Real friends are not just yes men or yes women in your life.

00:48:34

Real friends are willing to introduce friction

00:48:37

into the relationship because they love you,

00:48:40

because they're for you, not because they're against you.

00:48:44

We see this in Jesus and Peter's relationship.

00:48:47

Jesus was telling his disciples, including Peter,

00:48:50

"Hey, my purpose in coming to the world is to die.

00:48:53

I am going to die.

00:48:54

There's going to come a time when I'm arrested

00:48:56

and tried and I'm going to be crucified."

00:48:58

He was honest with him about that.

00:49:00

But you got to know Peter is full of bluster.

00:49:02

Peter is like, you want Peter on your side

00:49:03

if you're like about to go into a fistfight

00:49:05

because he's going to be swinging

00:49:06

and asking questions later.

00:49:08

You need somebody like Peter in your life.

00:49:09

And so that's the kind of friend he was.

00:49:11

So when Jesus talked about crucifixion,

00:49:12

Peter's like, "No, no, no, no, no,

00:49:14

I'm not gonna let that happen to you.

00:49:15

No, no, no, I dare somebody to come

00:49:17

and try to mess with you, Jesus.

00:49:18

I got your back. I got your back."

00:49:19

But he was wrong because Jesus, this was his purpose.

00:49:22

And so Jesus introduces friction

00:49:25

into his friendship with Peter

00:49:26

when he says this in Matthew 16:23, it says:

00:49:29

But he turned to Peter and said, "Get behind me, Satan."

00:49:33

I've never had one of my friends call me Satan, yet.

00:49:38

It could happen.

00:49:39

And I've never called a friend Satan yet.

00:49:43

But Jesus calls Peter Satan because he understands,

00:49:45

Peter, you're being influenced by something

00:49:47

that is not God right now.

00:49:49

He explains it. He says, "You are a hindrance to me,

00:49:51

for you are not setting your mind on the things of God,

00:49:53

but on the things of man."

00:49:56

So my question is, when's the last time

00:49:58

one of your friends said to you get -- No.

00:50:01

When's the last time one of your friends told you you're wrong?

00:50:06

When's the last time one of your friends

00:50:08

introduced some friction into the relationship to say,

00:50:10

"I'm not agreeing with everything that you're saying.

00:50:13

There's some things

00:50:14

you're not seeing correctly in this matter."

00:50:16

When's the last time you said that to a friend?

00:50:20

See, because if you don't have friends

00:50:22

who introduce friction, you don't have friendships.

00:50:26

You might have well-wishers, you might have fans,

00:50:29

you might have surface level friendships,

00:50:31

but you don't have a friend.

00:50:34

I think about it this way, I'm not a woman,

00:50:36

so I can't speak to female female relationships,

00:50:38

but I can speak to guy friendships.

00:50:40

And I know with guy friendships,

00:50:41

it's really easy to get to a place that

00:50:43

I would call the cozy place in the friendship

00:50:47

where you're not really challenging each other,

00:50:50

you're hanging out, you're having fun,

00:50:51

you're watching a Bengals game. It's all good.

00:50:54

But your guys agree with everything you say,

00:50:56

even the stupid stuff that you say.

00:50:59

So you're in a group of guys and you're like,

00:51:01

"You know what, man? My boss is getting on my nerves.

00:51:03

You know what I'm gonna do on Monday?

00:51:04

I'm gonna walk into the office and I'm gonna

00:51:06

tell my boss di, di, di and di, di, di.

00:51:08

And they're like, yeah, man, you should do that

00:51:10

because you're getting disrespected there.

00:51:11

We're with you. We got your back.

00:51:13

No, no, no, let me tell you, you need somebody

00:51:15

who loves you enough to say, that's dumb. Don't do that.

00:51:19

And if you have that, then you have a friend.

00:51:23

I think sometimes we don't have friction in a friendship

00:51:27

because we run at the first sign of it.

00:51:30

Man, I'd ask you that question.

00:51:31

Maybe if you look around, you're like, gosh,

00:51:33

I don't really have people in my life

00:51:35

who are offering friction.

00:51:36

It might be because they tried and you cut the friendship off.

00:51:40

It was very clear that you were not going

00:51:42

to let them speak into that part of your life.

00:51:45

Or how about this? For some of us,

00:51:46

we don't have a problem bringing friction to a friendship.

00:51:49

It's kind of our M.O., you know, I'm a truth teller.

00:51:52

I shoot people straight.

00:51:53

Well, let me ask you this question,

00:51:54

before you offer that truth, ask yourself the question:

00:51:58

am I trying to build up my friend or control my friend?

00:52:03

But we need healthy friction to grow in a friendship.

00:52:07

Jesus models that with Peter.

00:52:09

I think about a moment in my life recently

00:52:11

where my friend loved me enough to introduce

00:52:13

some friction into the friendship.

00:52:14

Now, I got to tell you guys, when I tell you stories

00:52:17

about me and my wife, I need it to stay here.

00:52:21

Are we good? Are we good with that?

00:52:23

I needed to stay here.

00:52:25

So a couple days ago, honestly, I was at Starbucks

00:52:30

and I was complaining to my friend about my wife.

00:52:34

I was complaining she did this and then she did that.

00:52:37

And I can't believe this and I can't believe that.

00:52:39

And doesn't she know? Doesn't she see?

00:52:42

And my friend is like giving me really good eye contact.

00:52:44

And so I know he didn't say anything yet,

00:52:46

but I know what he wants. I know what he's thinking.

00:52:48

He's thinking, and he's like,

00:52:49

"You are such a good husband to her.

00:52:51

You are so patient with her.

00:52:53

I mean, like, she is really blessed to have you as hers."

00:52:56

I know so I, so I go on and I rant some more

00:52:59

and I say some more.

00:53:00

And then at the end of all that, I finally stopped

00:53:02

because I needed to give him room to affirm me.

00:53:05

So I stopped talking, and he looks at me

00:53:11

and he says, "You have completely got this wrong.

00:53:16

Have you stopped to think about

00:53:18

what she might be thinking and what she needs?

00:53:20

You're only thinking, all I'm hearing is I, I, I

00:53:22

and me, me, me. What about where she is?

00:53:24

Chuck, I think instead of you thinking

00:53:26

you need to go home and ask her to do something different,

00:53:28

you need to go home and apologize to your wife."

00:53:31

And I gotta tell you, I am so glad that

00:53:34

I have friends who don't just love me,

00:53:36

but love my wife and want me to have a healthy marriage,

00:53:39

and they're willing

00:53:40

to put friction in my way when I need it.

00:53:42

You need friends like that in your life.

00:53:44

Those are good friends to have.

00:53:46

Those are good friends to have.

00:53:47

Now here's what I hope you're hearing today:

00:53:50

Friendship is worth it, and it is work.

00:53:57

Both are true. It's worth it. And it is work.

00:54:03

But let's be honest, sometimes they don't work

00:54:07

and sometimes they don't work

00:54:09

because we have wrong expectations,

00:54:12

because we want a frictionless friendship.

00:54:14

We just want people to tell us that we're already okay.

00:54:17

But sometimes they don't work

00:54:20

because we get hurt or we hurt a friend.

00:54:25

Sometimes it don't work because of woundedness

00:54:27

that has happened in a friendship.

00:54:30

Sometimes we're the one who has been betrayed.

00:54:34

Sometimes we're the betrayer.

00:54:36

And I think this is particularly

00:54:37

where the friendship of Jesus and Peter is, I think,

00:54:41

very, very helpful because

00:54:42

that happened in their friendship too.

00:54:44

Jesus, invested in Peter for three years.

00:54:46

They had a deep friendship.

00:54:47

And one of the things that Jesus was very clear of,

00:54:49

I hope you hear this is the theme,

00:54:51

he would tell them like what was coming.

00:54:52

He was honest with them about why he was here.

00:54:54

And at one point he's talking about

00:54:56

when he was going to be betrayed

00:54:58

and when he was going to be arrested,

00:55:00

when he's going to be crucified.

00:55:01

And he looks at Peter and he says, "And Peter,

00:55:03

you're going to deny even knowing me

00:55:06

three times before the rooster crows."

00:55:09

And Peter, full of bluster, is like, "No way, no way.

00:55:12

These 11 losers might do that, but no way. Not me.

00:55:16

I will never deny you," said Peter, until he did.

00:55:23

And the night that Jesus was arrested, tried,

00:55:25

sham trial, beaten, crown of thorns put on his head.

00:55:29

We know that Peter was nearby in the courtyard.

00:55:31

He hadn't completely abandoned Jesus,

00:55:34

but he was at a distance. I don't know how far.

00:55:37

Someone said, "Hey, aren't you one of his friends?"

00:55:39

And Peter's like, "I don't even know him."

00:55:42

Time number one.

00:55:43

Another person comes, "Know you, you talk like him.

00:55:46

You're from the kind of same area."

00:55:47

Peter's like, "Look, I don't know him." Second time.

00:55:51

And then he denies him a third time.

00:55:52

And this is what the Bible says in Luke 22:

00:55:54

But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you're talking about."

00:55:57

That's his third denial of Jesus.

00:55:59

And immediately, while he was still speaking,

00:56:02

the rooster crowed.

00:56:04

And this is the part that cut me to the heart.

00:56:06

And the Lord turned and looked at Peter.

00:56:09

Can you imagine denying your friend

00:56:11

and then they turn and look at you?

00:56:14

Now, I don't know if Jesus turned and looked at him

00:56:16

because he was within earshot and he heard him.

00:56:19

I don't know if Jesus was maybe at a distance,

00:56:21

but in that moment they locked eyes.

00:56:23

I don't know what happened, but I do know this,

00:56:27

it crushed Peter because it says:

00:56:30

And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord

00:56:31

that before the rooster crows today,

00:56:34

you will deny me three times.

00:56:35

And he went out and wept bitterly.

00:56:39

Peter thought the relationship was over.

00:56:42

And let's be clear, Jesus had every reason

00:56:46

to walk away from the relationship too.

00:56:49

Which is why the next interaction these two men have

00:56:52

for me is one of the most tender stories in the Bible.

00:56:56

Jesus would go and be crucified.

00:56:58

He would die. He would suffer and die.

00:57:01

He was buried for three days.

00:57:03

Three days after that, he rises from the grave.

00:57:07

This amazing miracle that happens

00:57:09

and Peter hears about it.

00:57:10

And as much as Peter, I'm sure, was surprised and amazed

00:57:13

and all the things that might be happening in his mind.

00:57:16

I'm sure there was a part of him that was like,

00:57:18

"But how's it going to be between me and Jesus

00:57:19

if we ever connect again?

00:57:21

Because the last interaction we had

00:57:23

was him seeing me after I denied even knowing him three times."

00:57:28

Well, time goes by and that interaction happens.

00:57:33

It starts with Peter and many of the other 12

00:57:35

being together and Peter says, "I'm going fishing."

00:57:38

And you got to know that was a symbolic thing.

00:57:39

It wasn't just like, "Hey, I'm going fishing

00:57:41

because I'm bored today."

00:57:43

Peter, as Jesus had called him,

00:57:45

was being groomed to be a fisher of men,

00:57:47

to be a pastor, to be someone who is a leader

00:57:49

and a founder of the church.

00:57:50

But after denying Jesus three times,

00:57:52

Peter probably thought, that's done for me.

00:57:56

I'm not doing that. I'm going back to fishing.

00:57:58

I'm going to go back to the life I had before Jesus

00:58:01

because clearly this relationship is over.

00:58:03

And so he's going fishing.

00:58:04

And that day they didn't catch any fish.

00:58:07

And all of a sudden early that morning,

00:58:09

they hear a voice from the shore saying,

00:58:10

"Hey, have you caught any fish?"

00:58:14

And eventually Peter realizes

00:58:15

that voice is the voice of Jesus.

00:58:18

And I love that Peter, again,

00:58:20

he's impulsive, he's full of bluster.

00:58:21

He's running at one point,

00:58:23

getting out of the boat to get back to Jesus.

00:58:25

And I'm sure in his mind he's wondering,

00:58:28

but how's it going to be?

00:58:29

Like, is Jesus gonna give me a tongue lashing?

00:58:32

Is Jesus going to give me the cold shoulder?

00:58:33

Is Jesus going to punch me in the face?

00:58:35

I'm sure he didn't know what was going to happen,

00:58:39

but when he came to Jesus, Jesus had created a fish lunch

00:58:43

or fish breakfast or a fish dinner,

00:58:44

whatever time of day it was for him.

00:58:47

And as they sat down around the fire,

00:58:49

Jesus asked Peter the same question three times.

00:58:52

He said, "Peter, do you love me?"

00:58:55

Peter said, "You know I love you."

00:58:57

Jesus said, "Well, feed my sheep."

00:58:59

He asked the same question again,

00:59:01

Peter, Peter, do you love me?

00:59:03

"Lord, you know I love you."

00:59:05

Feed my lambs.

00:59:07

He asked one more time, Peter, do you love me?

00:59:10

And the third time Peter is like,

00:59:11

"Lord, you know all things. You know I love you."

00:59:14

And Jesus says, well, feed my sheep.

00:59:17

What was Jesus doing in that moment?

00:59:21

The fourth commitment that we have to have in friendship

00:59:24

is what Jesus was doing in that moment.

00:59:26

He was practicing hope in the friendship.

00:59:29

He asked Peter three times are you committed to me?

00:59:33

Because he was erasing the three times

00:59:35

when he denied being committed to Jesus.

00:59:37

What Jesus was saying in that moment to Peter is,

00:59:39

Peter, I believe in you and I believe in this friendship,

00:59:43

and I believe in the purpose that I have in your life.

00:59:46

And even though you have denied me, I forgive you.

00:59:48

And even though you think

00:59:49

I don't have purpose for your life, I still do.

00:59:52

Because Jesus is that kind of friend.

00:59:55

And that's what he was offering to Peter in that moment.

00:59:58

And I just want you to know

01:00:00

you and I are going to have to offer the same

01:00:02

if our friendships are going to work.

01:00:04

There's going to come moments when people let us down.

01:00:06

There's going to come moments where people offend us.

01:00:08

There's going to come moments when our friends hurt us

01:00:10

or we hurt them.

01:00:11

And in those moments, we have to be willing

01:00:13

to practice a certain kind of hope.

01:00:16

A hope that says, I have hope in this friendship,

01:00:18

even though we might not be in a great place right now.

01:00:21

The kind of hope that says,

01:00:22

I have hope in the eternal friend Jesus.

01:00:26

I love this verse In Proverbs, it says that

01:00:29

there is a man of many companions that comes to ruin,

01:00:31

but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

01:00:34

I want you to know that if you're in friendship with Jesus,

01:00:37

you are never friendless, you are never friendless.

01:00:40

And what that means is you can borrow on the hope

01:00:43

of your friendship with Jesus, and you can offer it

01:00:45

in your friendships in this world.

01:00:48

We have to be people who are willing

01:00:50

to have that kind of hope,

01:00:51

the kind of hope that helps us take a brave next step.

01:00:54

So I want to give you an invitation today to consider

01:00:57

a brave next step God is calling you to in friendship,

01:01:01

because your friends determine the quality

01:01:03


01:01:05

Give you three options. Option A.

01:01:07

Option A is maybe for you it's picking a place

01:01:11

and building there.

01:01:13

I think about what Joshua did, right?

01:01:15

He picked this church.

01:01:16

He picked this group of guys and he built there.

01:01:19

Maybe for you it's a similar thing.

01:01:22

Or maybe for you, it's the coffee shop

01:01:24

in your new neighborhood that you just moved into

01:01:26

where you want to know people.

01:01:27

And maybe it's like, hey, be a regular there.

01:01:29

Get to know the baristas, get to know your neighbors.

01:01:31

Just be in a place where you can build friendships.

01:01:34

Maybe you're new in school and you're in the fall

01:01:36

and it's like you're still trying

01:01:38

to build your college friendships.

01:01:39

Maybe it's like, hey, I'm just going to be committed.

01:01:41

I'm going to do this thing

01:01:42

and I'm going to be committed to build there.

01:01:44

Maybe option A is where you need to start.

01:01:46

Maybe for you it's option B,

01:01:48

you've got some surface level friendships

01:01:49

and it's time to bring more light.

01:01:51

Not to all of them, but maybe to one of them,

01:01:53

maybe to a few of them.

01:01:54

And again, it doesn't mean you have to share

01:01:56

your deepest, darkest secret.

01:01:57

It could be this.

01:01:58

It could be just saying, man, I like you

01:02:01

and I would love to get together more regularly.

01:02:03

Let's make that happen.

01:02:04

Maybe that's the vulnerable step that you need to do.

01:02:07

Or maybe it is you need to go to a friend and make it right.

01:02:10

You need to apologize for something that you've done

01:02:12

that's hurt them for the sake of the friendship.

01:02:14

You need to do that.

01:02:15

Or maybe that friend's going to come to you

01:02:17

and they're going to apologize and you need to forgive.

01:02:21

You need to say, you know what?

01:02:22

I'm not going to let that keep us from a friendship

01:02:24

that is positively impacting the quality

01:02:26

and the potency of my life.

01:02:29

Maybe for you, that's what it is is option C,

01:02:32

so here's what I want you to do.

01:02:33

At the beginning, we flip the script

01:02:35

and rather than just do a high five or a hello,

01:02:37

you got to meet some people.

01:02:38

You got to meet 2 or 3 people.

01:02:39

You told them your name.

01:02:40

You told them how long you've been in Crossroads.

01:02:42

Here's what I'm going to ask you to do,

01:02:44

before you leave today.

01:02:45

In a moment, I'm going to pray and then after this,

01:02:47

I want you to do this next thing.

01:02:49

Before you leave today,

01:02:50

I want you to get back with those three people,

01:02:52

and I want you to tell them

01:02:54

which of these options you're stepping into.

01:02:55

You don't have to give them details,

01:02:57

but you can just be like, "Hey, I'm going with option A,

01:02:59

I'm going with option B, I'm going with option C."

01:03:01

Now here's what you can do.

01:03:03

As people are telling you those options,

01:03:05

you get a chance this week as much as you think about them,

01:03:07

just to pray for them, just to pray

01:03:09

as they're stepping into that.

01:03:10

If you've never prayed before, that's okay.

01:03:12

You can just say, God, would you help

01:03:13

this person with that thing?

01:03:15

That's all you have to do, and God hears that prayer.

01:03:18

Maybe that's what you're going to do.

01:03:19

Now, here's the good thing.

01:03:20

I don't know if you've noticed this or not,

01:03:22

but y'all sit in the same seats all the time.

01:03:27

So my guess is you probably connected a name today

01:03:31

with someone you've been looking at for days

01:03:33

or weeks or months. Guess what?

01:03:35

Next week, when you see them, now you know their name.

01:03:38

Now you know how long they've been at Crossroads.

01:03:40

Now you know that they were trying to do a thing

01:03:42

and you can just say, hey, how was it with that thing?

01:03:44

You don't even have to remember what it was.

01:03:46

You have to remember the option.

01:03:47

How did it go? How is it going?

01:03:49

It's an opportunity for you to be a friend.

01:03:50

You guys good with that? All right.

01:03:52

So I'm going to pray and we're going to do that.

01:03:54

And if you're watching online,

01:03:55

there's a QR code that's going to come up

01:03:57

and you can click on that QR code

01:03:59

and you'll have a chance to declare your option A, B, or C,

01:04:01

so you can be in community

01:04:03

and get some prayer support around that too.

01:04:04

Let me pray. God, I thank you for the gift of friendship.

01:04:08

I'm not always thankful for the hard work of friendship,

01:04:11

but even that is a gift.

01:04:13

And so God, I just pray that for someone today

01:04:15

they are encouraged to take the next brave step,

01:04:19

whatever that looks like for them.

01:04:21

God, I pray your grace on our friendships.

01:04:23

Help us to continue to be a place where we do life together.

01:04:27

In Jesus's name, Amen.

01:04:29

- Amen. - Amen.

01:04:30

- Hey, before you go, we don't want to just hear

01:04:32

all of that and just move on with our day.

01:04:34

I want you to think back to everything Chuck just shared,

01:04:37

to Joshua's story even, connection at some point,

01:04:40

it takes courage. Somebody's got to make that move.

01:04:42

So we want you to make your brave choice right now.

01:04:46

- That's right. So like Chuck said,

01:04:48

you can see a QR code on your screen. Scan it.

01:04:50

We're giving you three choices, right?

01:04:52

Which one of these

01:04:53

are actually going to happen for you this week?

01:04:56

A, you pick a place and you build a habit there.

01:04:58

You show up, you become a regular.

01:05:00

You give relationship time to form.

01:05:02

And B bring some light.

01:05:05

Think about a relationship that stayed on the surface

01:05:07

and choose to get a little bit more vulnerable.

01:05:09

Let somebody actually know you deeper.

01:05:11

And C, move in hope.

01:05:13

Maybe there's a relationship where you need to forgive,

01:05:16

reach out, or choose to pursue someone again.

01:05:19

- Yeah, A, B, or C, you should see

01:05:21

some responses populating on the screen.

01:05:23

But don't just think about this

01:05:24

or think you should think about it, pick one right now.

01:05:28

Scan the code. Make your choice.

01:05:29

We're going to pray specifically over every entry

01:05:32

that comes in that you would experience more of that hope,

01:05:35

more of that light, more of that forgiveness,

01:05:37

more of that just making a move in your relationships

01:05:41

today, this week, and this month.

01:05:43

- That's right. Man, I'm convicted to make my own choice

01:05:46

and go deeper with some of my relationships,

01:05:48

some of my friends.

01:05:49

And yeah, we're excited to also get to see

01:05:51

you taking steps and hearing about those steps

01:05:53

that you're going to take.

01:05:54

So look, we have people choosing different things

01:05:56

and being brave this week.

01:05:58

- Love it. Yeah. Hey, there are people

01:06:00

all over making these commitments right alongside you.

01:06:02

So whatever you picked, hey, do it, do it, do it, do it.

01:06:05

Take that step this week.

01:06:06

And if you heard today something that

01:06:08

just brought up something in you, you want prayer for this

01:06:10

or you want to be encouraged,

01:06:12

you want somebody to process with, we'd love to do that.

01:06:14

You can send me an email at Anywhere@crossroads.net

01:06:17

or just go to the website Crossroads.net

01:06:19

and click the chat button.

01:06:20

We'd love to pray for you, encourage you,

01:06:22

process with you, whatever we can do right there.

01:06:24

- That's right. Hey, come back next week

01:06:26

as we continue this series. We're going to see you then.

01:06:29

- Hey, have a great week everybody. See you next time.

01:06:31

- Adios.

Dust It Off and Do It Again | Rebuilding Community After Being Hurt

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