When You Can't See the Light | What to Do When the World Seems Dark

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- Hey, welcome to Crossroads. My name is Arturo.

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- And my name is Jen and we are into summertime.

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I got to host the Ignite Conference last weekend

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at Crossroads East Side.

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Then my family and I jumped in the car,

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drove to the beach and drove back already.

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- Wow. Well, I've been back.

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I've been on my couch all summer

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seeing USA obliterate Paraguay 4-1.

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I've seen Nixon Five and I got a kitten yesterday.

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So summer is happening. Yes, a kitten.

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- It is crazy.

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- And we are in the middle of a series here

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called the Jesus Exhibit, where we're looking at

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the seven I statements Jesus gives in the Bible.

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- Yeah. So these statements aren't just plain statements.

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They're His identity and His promise to us.

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So whether you are convinced by what He says,

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or maybe you're just curious,

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or maybe you're at the beach this weekend,

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someone just turned on church.

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We're glad that you're here with us.

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- So we're gonna start with some worship,

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just songs that you can sing along to,

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or just listen to the words.

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Regardless, give your authentic self to God right now.

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- One of my favorite lyrics of that song

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is right in the middle there where it says

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what seems impossible is possible for You,

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what seems unbreakable is where You're breaking through

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because nothing is over till You say it's over.

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Those are real words.

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They're not just words I hope in.

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They're actually, crazy enough, words I've seen come true.

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So I trust them, I believe them,

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I've seen them true in my life,

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things that seemed unbreakable, He's broken through.

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Like friends who have left addiction

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that they never thought they could get out of.

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Marriages that looked broken, but He stepped in.

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And because the name and the power of Jesus,

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there's a marriage there still to this day.

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For me, freedom from a kid who was stage fright

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as you could ever imagine, and then now does what I do.

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Like, free from bitterness and anxiety. Forgiven.

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Stepping into freedom and forgiveness

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all because the power of the name of Jesus.

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Because with His name, with His name comes His ways

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and His love and all His power.

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And that's not just a new idea.

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We're going to sing about His name

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and I want you to know where it comes from

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in the Bible and from the words of Jesus.

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This is written by a guy named Paul whose life

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was transformed by Jesus, says Philippians 2, it says,

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Therefore God has highly exalted Him

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and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name,

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so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow

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in heaven and on earth, and under the earth,

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and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

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to the glory of God the Father.

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There is no other name like the name of Jesus.

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- Jesus, I hope you hear all of Your children

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singing right now and You're just smiling so, so big

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that Your name is lifted so high

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that You get all the glory in this moment.

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This stage and these lights are so pretty,

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but God, it's all for You, every single bit of it,

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every voice in this room and every heart turned towards You.

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None of it means anything without you.

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Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

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Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

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The name above every other name.

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May all of us always call on Your name,

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no matter where we are, where we find ourselves,

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a situation we're in, may it always be You.

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We love You and we thank You. Amen.

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Thanks for singing with us.

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My name is Erica, if we have not met.

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I am so glad that you are here.

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Why don't you do me a favor and turn to

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somebody that you don't know and tell them

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how glad you are that they're here, and have a seat.

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- In November 2024, thousands of us

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stepped into something bigger than ourselves.

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We committed to give above and beyond our regular giving

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because we want to see an awakening in our land.

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One of the most powerful signs that people

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are coming to know Jesus is the choice to be baptized.

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And since the 10X Push began, we have seen a lot of baptisms.

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God is changing lives.

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Not some day; right now.

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On the weekends, surrounded by friends, family,

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and neighbors, people are stepping into new life.

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Experiencing the power of the Holy Spirit

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at camps and revival, people of all ages

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are saying yes to Jesus for the very first time,

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leaving behind who they were

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and stepping into who God is calling them to be.

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On trips far from home, outside of comfort zones

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all around the world, God is meeting people

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in powerful personal ways.

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And like our Crossroads Anywhere family in Bolivia,

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they are not waiting.

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We're not waiting for someone else.

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We're not waiting for a better time.

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We're pushing forward faithfully.

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Every number is a name, and every name has a story,

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a story known fully and loved completely by God.

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- It is incredible to look back and see

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what God has done through our church over the last year.

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And a special shout out to our anywhere folks in Bolivia,

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16 people getting baptized down there.

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Hey Bolivia, let's vamos.

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Los queremos y estamos muy emocionado.

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Por lo voy a seguir obando en Bolivia.

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Qué siguen adelante?

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- Amen. - Amen.

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- If you didn't catch it in the video, 3236 people

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have made the decision since we started 10X

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in 2024 to get baptized. - Wow.

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- Those numbers are people with names and real stories,

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people whose lives are changing because of Jesus.

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And that is worth celebrating.

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- Baptism is all about openly declaring

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that you are all in on Jesus.

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If you've maybe been accepting Jesus

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but haven't been baptized, man, it might be time

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to consider that next step, and that next opportunity

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to get baptized at any of our sites

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is coming up on August 2nd.

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So if you're interested, want to sign up

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or you're just asking is that right for me right now?

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Hey, learn more and sign up at Crossroads.net/baptism.

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- Yes, if you live near any of our sites, that is August 2nd.

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And if you're part of our Anywhere Community,

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you can make the decision to get baptized at any time.

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Recently, for example, Janice.

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She is -- She lives in South Carolina

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but got baptized at Indian Rocks Beach in Florida.

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She was vacationing there and a few of

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our Crossroads Anywhere community members in Florida

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drove up to meet with her and baptize her in the ocean.

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- Wow. - Seriously, amazing.

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Baptism is so important and we want

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to help you take that next step

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no matter where you are in the world,

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we'll do anything to help you get baptized.

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- And hey, that update is not just about baptisms.

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It's also a reminder that our church a while ago

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went on what we called a 10X Journey.

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And this 10X Journey was about giving above and beyond.

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- Aside from our 10X giving at Crossroads,

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we also practice the regular self-discipline of giving.

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Everything we do happens because ordinary people

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choose to sacrifice financially.

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- Yes, and as one of those ordinary people.

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- Same.

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- I know that when I trust trust God with my money,

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when I give Him space and say, "Hey, you can have

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all of me and everything that's mine," He always shows up.

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- Yeah. How that shows up practically in my life

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and for our family is my husband works on commission,

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so every time a paycheck comes in,

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we give 10% back to God through our local church.

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For us, it's our way of saying, "God,

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everything that we have comes from You,

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and we're going to trust that You're going to provide."

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And He's been faithful.

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You can go to Crossroads.net/give

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to learn more.

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- Hey, we've been in a series called The Jesus Exhibit,

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and we're taking a look at the things Jesus says about Himself.

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- Where are we in the Bible?

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We're in the New Testament, in the gospel according to John.

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This is a first hand biography of Jesus

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by one of His closest friends.

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In it, John records seven iconic I am statements

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that Jesus made, seven metaphors,

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seven self portraits of the living God.

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This week Jesus says I am the Light of the World.

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Here's how it goes in the book of John, chapter 7 and 8.

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Now the Jews Feast of booths was at hand.

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So His brothers said to Him, "Leave here and go to Judea,

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that Your disciples also may see the works You are doing.

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For no one works in secret if he seeks to be known openly.

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If you do these things, show yourself to the world."

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Jesus said to them, "You go up to the feast.

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I am not going up to this feast,

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for my time has not yet fully come."

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But after His brothers had gone up to the feast,

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then He also went up, not publicly, but in private.

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The Jews were looking for Him at the feast

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and saying, "Where is He?"

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And there was much muttering about Him among the people.

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While some said, "He is a good man,"

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others said, "No, He is leading the people astray."

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Yet, for fear of the Jews no one spoke openly of Him.

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About the middle of the feast

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Jesus went up into the temple and began teaching.

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On the last day of the feast, the great day,

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Jesus stood up and cried out,

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"If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink."

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Again Jesus spoke to them, saying,

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"I am the light of the world.

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Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness,

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but will have the light of life."

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- Hey everybody! I'm Alli.

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It's great to be with you this weekend here at Crossroads.

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Yes, we have been exploring Jesus in the context

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of these statements that He made about Himself,

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but we've been doing it in the setting of a museum.

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You notice the museum behind me.

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And I don't know how you go through museums,

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but I'm just going to admit, when the creative team

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brought up the museum idea, it was a little bit

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of a head scratcher for me, because I'm the one

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who jogs through the museum in 30 minutes

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and hits the gift shop on the way out.

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You know what I'm saying?

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So I go like, that's beautiful. Amazing.

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So unbelievable. And I'm done.

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And can we go now?

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You know, so when they talked about a museum,

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I was like, "Okay, connect the dots here for me."

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And the whole idea behind this series is that

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these statements, which some of them

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we're pretty familiar with,

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like the one we're going to do today,

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they're actually worth preserving,

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worth coming in and seeing.

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Is there still something in here for me?

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Is there life in here?

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Can I receive something again and again and again?

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And the best museums, preserve the things that do that

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and people still come over and over and over

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to get the life that is in that place still today.

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So today we jump into I am the Light of the World.

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That's one of the statements Jesus said about Himself

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in John chapter eight.

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And before we get started, let me just pray

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that we would get the life that is still

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in that name for us today.

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Lord, that's what I pray You would do here.

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I pray that You would help me to communicate Your Word

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clearly and just open our minds and hearts

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to receive the life that You have for us in that name.

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And it's in Jesus's great name I pray. Amen.

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Well, light is kind of an interesting thing.

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Light can be a million different things, as a matter of fact.

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I went downtown on Friday night

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because after the Reds baseball games,

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they do Friday night fireworks.

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I love fireworks,

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one of my favorite kinds of light displays.

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And I got a treat, a kind of light

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I'd never really seen before.

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Have you guys seen drone shows?

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Okay. I didn't even know this was a thing until Friday night.

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Hundreds of drones in different lights

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choreographed in the sky,

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making different shapes over the stadium.

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It was crazy. It truly was amazing.

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I've never -- I was that day was the first day of my life

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I knew there was something called a drone show.

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You're laughing, but light, light --

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We come up with new ways and new expressions

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of light all the time.

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And so we're really looking for what is

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the one Jesus meant when He said this?

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And we think about light a lot here at Crossroads.

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If you are gathered with us in one of our spaces today,

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some of you are watching online,

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but if you're in one of our buildings,

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it is dark where you're sitting

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and that is done very purposefully.

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At Crossroads we have thought over the years

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that people appreciate a space

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where they can see God at their own pace,

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where they don't feel like they're on display,

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where you can be exactly the way that you are.

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If you're maybe you're like me

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and the first five times you came here,

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you sat in the back row, you cried,

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and then you left before anyone saw you.

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That's the safety to seek God that we want to create

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with a lack of light.

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But this is what makes Jesus's statement so interesting, right?

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Same place, same people, same setting, same service,

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totally different reality.

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Like some of us are looking around going,

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"Dang, I didn't know that person was here."

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Light can kind of connect us

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and shows us things we weren't going to see.

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And some of you are like, "All right, enough."

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Anyone want -- Okay. Yeah, have mercy on these people.

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We can turn the lights out again.

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Yeah, we get used to the kind of light that we've experienced.

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And so it's really fascinating to consider

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what is the meaning of light in this particular context?

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And to get at the meaning of that,

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we need more than just the verse where it was said,

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but let's start there, John 8:12.

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When Jesus spoke again to the people,

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He said, "I am the Light of the World.

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Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness,

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but will have the light of life."

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When Jesus said those words, I said we need

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more than just those words to understand the meaning of light.

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Because in John 7 and what you just heard

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in the reading for today is that Jesus

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was in the city of Jerusalem during a time

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where people gathered

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for something called the Feast of Booths.

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Now, that's kind of an odd name to us,

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but it was a regular festival for them.

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And they came to the city of Jerusalem,

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all the Jewish people, and they would gather there

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to celebrate a time in the nation's history

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after God had delivered them out of slavery in Egypt,

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He led them through the wilderness for

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an entire generation when they were essentially homeless.

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And this Feast of Booths or Tabernacles, same feast,

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references the temporary shelters,

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the booths or tabernacles that they lived in

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for an entire generation

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while God sustained them as a people.

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And so one of the things that they would do

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during this feast is they would actually

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leave their houses and live in temporary tents

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and dwellings to remember the whole generation

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where this God had sustained them

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when they had no home, they had no food,

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they had no resources and God provided those things.

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So that's the festival that's going on in Jerusalem.

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And it wasn't just the happenings in the wilderness,

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you know, the provisions that God gave them.

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It was very specifically the form,

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the way that they experienced God Himself.

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So I want to read that to you out of the book of Exodus,

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because it's going to add a layer to the meaning of light.

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Exodus 13, this is straight from the time

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where this happened in the wilderness.

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It says: By day the Lord went ahead of them

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in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way

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and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light,

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so that they could travel by day or night.

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Neither the pillar of cloud by day

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nor the pillar of fire by night

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left its place in front of the people.

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This is their experience of God during that time.

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The generation that God sustained in the wilderness

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experienced Him. How? As light.

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So just imagine this for a moment, think about this,

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when Israel was homeless, who was the light?

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When Israel had the sun in the desert

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beating on them over and over and over again,

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who filtered the light?

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When it was pitch black and they couldn't see

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their hand in front of their face,

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who was the fire that gave them light?

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When they wondered, big picture,

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"What are we doing here, God? It's been years now."

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Who was the constant light of presence?

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It was God Himself.

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So this Feast of Booths, it wasn't just recognizing

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what God did for them, it was recognizing

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and remembering and celebrating

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the God who came to them as light.

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And so a key feature of this feast, really interestingly,

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was these massive pillars of fire.

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So there was a central temple where they would

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all gather for different parts of the feast.

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And in the courtyards the entire week long

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there were these massive like, torches.

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Think the only thing I have in like our modern world

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that I liken it to would be like

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that massive Olympic torch that kind of gets lit up

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at the opening ceremonies or something.

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Think of those all over the courtyard

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and these things are to scale.

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I mean, this was like, if I stood by this,

00:33:12

this is about right.

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You know, these are massive pillars of light.

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And during the festival, they would stay lit the entire week.

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And I know you know this, but I just feel like

00:33:21

I have to say it out loud, in a city without electricity.

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So torches of light, literally a blessing

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for the whole city for an entire week,

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a constant presence of light,

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remembering the God whose glory appeared to them as light.

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Just imagine this festival recalling the Pillar of Fire,

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telling all the stories about what God had done

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when He appeared to His people like this.

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You see what Jesus meant a little bit more by these words,

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this wasn't just a nice metaphor.

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He was actually declaring His identity.

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He was standing in front of them saying,

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"That God you're celebrating, the one you're remembering,

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the one who was a present light,

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the one who filtered it and guided you

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and appeared as a fire and never left you.

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I am Him. I'm the Light of the World."

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This was a declaration of His identity

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in the middle of a city that was wondering,

00:34:22

"Who is this guy?"

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His own brothers, if you were listening

00:34:26

to the very beginning of that reading,

00:34:28

His own brothers were like,

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"If You're really somebody important,

00:34:32

You better tell everybody."

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And the Pharisees had already decided,

00:34:36

He's from Satan. He needs to go.

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The people couldn't decide.

00:34:39

Some of the crowd thought He was a good guy, some not.

00:34:42

Some thought he was a prophet, others a teacher,

00:34:44

some the Messiah.

00:34:46

And so Jesus was speaking into the context of this feast

00:34:51

and this city who was trying to figure out who is this guy?

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And he stood up in front of them as a man named Jesus

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and he said, "I am Him. I am the Light of the World."

00:35:07

Now, as a teacher, I gotta appreciate the setting, right?

00:35:11

I mean, what better place to do it

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than a festival of light with torches of light

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in front of all the light.

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The only problem is

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that's actually not quite what happened.

00:35:23

Later in John 7:37, we learned

00:35:27

it was the last day of the feast.

00:35:31

Now this is really important to understand more,

00:35:33

one more layer of meaning

00:35:35

of what exactly is Jesus saying here.

00:35:39

Because yes, He was telling them, "I am that God."

00:35:42

And He was also doing it on the last day of the feast,

00:35:46

where something really interesting happened.

00:35:48

All that light that had been present the whole week

00:35:51

got extinguished on the final day.

00:35:55

They had celebrated the God who could be light,

00:35:57

but the last day of the feast was a recognition

00:36:01

of their present reality.

00:36:04

The nation of Israel hadn't heard from this God,

00:36:07

hadn't seen this God in any form for 400 years.

00:36:14

And the last day every year

00:36:18

they would extinguish the light and they would wrestle

00:36:22

with this persistent darkness

00:36:27

with the absence of this God.

00:36:29

And they remembered the God who could be light,

00:36:33

who they celebrated as a light.

00:36:35

And then they went, "But He just isn't."

00:36:42

And this was the moment that Jesus stepped up

00:36:46

and announced who He was.

00:36:47

He came into the moment of darkness to tell everyone,

00:36:54

"I am the Light of the World.

00:36:56

If you will follow me, you won't walk in darkness."

00:36:58

If anything, He's using the darkness

00:37:01

as the object lesson, not the blazing torches of light.

00:37:06

And I'm going to tell you the truth, I wrestle with this

00:37:10

because Israel was in this moment where

00:37:13

they were having to admit to themselves

00:37:15

that God is absent.

00:37:21

And Jesus picked the moment when they were most aware

00:37:26

of their present darkness to step up and announce it.

00:37:30

And you'd think that was good.

00:37:31

But it's also the moment

00:37:33

that it would be the hardest for them to believe.

00:37:40

I was thinking about this because

00:37:42

we all have these places of darkness in our life.

00:37:45

I'll bet you can, if you gave it a little bit of thought,

00:37:48

maybe yours is right on the surface,

00:37:50

you can think of a place where you too believe that,

00:37:53

in theory, God could be light there.

00:37:57

Maybe it's even a place where God has been light,

00:38:00

and for whatever reason, He just isn't right now.

00:38:07

As I think about my own life, I can actually think of

00:38:09

more than one place, I guess unfortunately.

00:38:12

But for me, one of those places is in

00:38:15

a relationship with one of my brothers.

00:38:17

I don't really discuss this very often,

00:38:20

and mostly it's because it's a great example of this,

00:38:24

of the kind of darkness that persists.

00:38:26

And you're just like, "I don't have anything else

00:38:29

to say about this. It's just how it is."

00:38:33

That's how Israel would have felt.

00:38:35

And this relationship, you know, I don't know

00:38:37

if you have one of these with somebody in your family,

00:38:40

but like the darkness crept in as kids,

00:38:43

like, before we even knew what was happening.

00:38:46

Just darkness and dysfunction and then

00:38:48

long periods of absence in our young adulthood

00:38:51

where we just didn't talk to each other,

00:38:53

didn't have access to each other,

00:38:55

lived far apart from each other,

00:38:56

just no foundation of much there.

00:38:58

And I was driving here this morning and I was thinking,

00:39:01

how do you explain the kind of place

00:39:05

where you just lost hope a long time ago

00:39:09

that you could ever really have anything good there.

00:39:17

And so put that together with, you know,

00:39:20

just constant interactions where you feel like

00:39:22

you're just in the dark walking into a wall

00:39:25

that you didn't see coming.

00:39:27

That's how I felt for a long time.

00:39:29

And then our final communication, I can't --

00:39:31

I can't say some of the words out loud

00:39:34

that he called me and insulted my faith and my family.

00:39:39

And I just thought, I can't.

00:39:41

I don't know how to do this.

00:39:44

I'm not mad exactly, it's just dark."

00:39:50

That's what Jesus was speaking into, that kind of place.

00:39:53

The place that you don't even pray about anymore.

00:39:57

You don't even think about God coming

00:39:59

because He's been gone so long there.

00:40:03

What are you going to do?

00:40:05

It just is what it is.

00:40:09

Now, I want you to imagine Jesus standing in front of you,

00:40:13

wherever that place is in your life,

00:40:15

whatever you're thinking about.

00:40:16

And I want you to imagine Him pointing. He's with you.

00:40:20

And He points right at that place.

00:40:22

And He says, "You know, I can be light there

00:40:28

if you'll follow me, there's life."

00:40:32

How would you react to that?

00:40:36

It'd be pretty hard to believe Him because

00:40:38

you have a lot of very, very actual lived experience

00:40:43

that's going to tell you something else.

00:40:44

That's what the nation of Israel was dealing with.

00:40:47

Jesus stood up and He said, "I'm the Light of the World,

00:40:49

if you'll follow me."

00:40:51

And they knew what He was saying.

00:40:52

They knew the declaration He was making.

00:40:56

And when you're in that space, in that dark,

00:41:00

the question very quickly becomes: do you believe?

00:41:08

Do you actually believe Him?

00:41:11

Because Jesus claimed to be the Light of the World,

00:41:13

the great I Am, but He picked this moment.

00:41:15

He couldn't have picked a moment or a place or a people

00:41:19

that would have had a harder time believing Him.

00:41:21

And that's what He does with us sometimes, too.

00:41:25

He points right there and He goes, "I have more for you.

00:41:31

I can be light there."

00:41:33

And our first instinct is what?

00:41:35

"Yeah, sure You can," or, "Why weren't you?"

00:41:40

Or, "I can't risk it. I'm not even going to try again.

00:41:43

I can't risk hoping again."

00:41:46

You know the Gospel of John,

00:41:47

it was written to ask that question: Do you believe?

00:41:53

Not just about this statement, but about

00:41:55

all the things that Jesus was saying about Himself.

00:41:58

John chapter 20, gosh, I wish every Bible book

00:42:01

had a verse like this in it.

00:42:02

It says exactly why this book was written.

00:42:05

Let me read it to you, John 20:31 says:

00:42:08

But these are written that you may believe

00:42:11

that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God,

00:42:13

and that by believing you may have life in His name.

00:42:20

Where's the life? In His name.

00:42:23

And he said, these are written.

00:42:25

What does he mean "these"?

00:42:27

The whole Gospel of John is organized

00:42:29

around seven signs and seven declarations of who Jesus is.

00:42:34

These things that John preserved,

00:42:36

these ideas that he wrote down,

00:42:37

these are written that we might believe.

00:42:40

And by believing that we might find life in that name,

00:42:46

the Light of the World.

00:42:47

John recorded just after this, by the way,

00:42:50

he recorded a miracle of healing of sight.

00:42:55

John recorded miracles to support these declarations,

00:42:59

to ask us the question that the crowd was wrestling with:

00:43:03

Do you believe?

00:43:08

And this particular one was asked

00:43:10

at a particularly hard moment,

00:43:12

and I think John knew that.

00:43:13

He knew the crowds were wrestling with it.

00:43:16

He knew the Pharisees had wrestled with it.

00:43:17

He knew His own family was wrestling with it.

00:43:19

And He knew that each one of us was going to have to decide:

00:43:23

I am the Light of the World.

00:43:25

Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness,

00:43:27

but will have the light of life.

00:43:29

The question is in there too,

00:43:32

because of the words "whoever follows me".

00:43:35

You know what we don't do if we don't believe,

00:43:37

we don't follow, we don't move.

00:43:41

We don't actually do anything about it.

00:43:43

This chair, if I don't think it'll hold me.

00:43:47

Please, God, let it hold me.

00:43:51

If I don't think it'll hold me,

00:43:52

I'm not going to sit on it. That would be crazy.

00:43:58

If I look at something and I don't believe it,

00:44:01

I'm not going to do something consistent with that belief.

00:44:05

I'm not going to do that.

00:44:07

And that's why I said the question is embedded

00:44:09

in Jesus's words, because He's saying:

00:44:12

Whoever follows me, I will reveal myself as light.

00:44:16

I am the Light of the World.

00:44:18

So He's asking again, do you believe?

00:44:21

Will you follow me?

00:44:24

Because those that will follow

00:44:25

will discover I am the Light of the World.

00:44:28

You know, the Bible depicts faith like that,

00:44:30

much more like the stool than like a mental agreement.

00:44:33

We tend to think of faith as statements of truth

00:44:36

that we either believe or disbelieve in our minds.

00:44:39

The Bible actually represents faith slightly differently

00:44:43

as truths that you're willing to behave, act,

00:44:48

move, follow as though they are true.

00:44:53

So let me say this another way.

00:44:57

Will you take a step toward Jesus

00:44:59

when you're still completely in the dark?

00:45:03

That's the question being posed.

00:45:07

That's what Jesus's declaration of

00:45:09

I am the Light of the World

00:45:10

would have hit everybody in the face with:

00:45:13

Will you believe me when you've been in the dark

00:45:16

for 400 years, will you follow me and find out?

00:45:21

I want you to hear a story right now.

00:45:23

It's a man named Josh. He is in our community.

00:45:25

I actually worked with him just last weekend.

00:45:27

He was running sound at the Ignite Conference.

00:45:30

And I want you to hear his story because it's a story

00:45:33

of somebody who actually wrestled with that same question

00:45:37

of finding God in the dark.

00:45:39

Now, his story is -- it's pretty raw.

00:45:42

It's pretty intense.

00:45:43

And I think you'll agree after we view it together

00:45:47

that it's also very filled with hope.

00:45:52

- My brother, my older brother died.

00:45:54

He was 17, I was 13 then,

00:45:59

that's when my understanding of God

00:46:01

that there was no God, or if there was a God,

00:46:05

He was just not to be trusted.

00:46:08

When I was making music, I didn't think as much.

00:46:11

I didn't like spending time with myself.

00:46:14

People around me who love me are like,

00:46:15

"I think you're drinking too much?"

00:46:17

And then I would just kind of avoid those people.

00:46:20

And at this point, the more I was drinking,

00:46:23

the less I had to keep quieting any thought of God,

00:46:26

any thought of a moral compass.

00:46:29

And I hated thinking about my behavior.

00:46:33

I was consumed with darkness.

00:46:37

And then I met my current wife.

00:46:40

I was sober almost a year when I met her,

00:46:43

and that was like the first time I started

00:46:45

to feel somewhat hopeful and happy.

00:46:47

A guy I used to tour with calls me.

00:46:49

My wife was like, "You said that touring

00:46:52

and traveling was a struggle."

00:46:54

I'm like, "It's perfectly fine. I'm good."

00:46:57

But as soon as they sent me my flight details,

00:46:59

I started plotting:

00:47:01

I can drink as long as I'm not around her.

00:47:03

I can drink as long as I'm not --

00:47:04

I can't hurt people if I'm not drinking in front of them.

00:47:10

That led to a full blown, um, relapse

00:47:17

to where my wife, for the very first time,

00:47:19

saw me drinking.

00:47:21

It's like she finally got to see that part of me

00:47:26

that I've been hiding.

00:47:27

She's like, "Okay, I don't want you

00:47:29

intoxicated around the kids."

00:47:31

That was a day that I took my work knife

00:47:33

and cut my wrist.

00:47:36

So when I got back from the hospital,

00:47:39

I was like, "You have assault charges on police.

00:47:41

It's a felony. "And I'm like," What?

00:47:43

Felonies are for, like, bad people."

00:47:46

I found out that charges were filed against me

00:47:49

for assaulting police as they were putting --

00:47:51

As the firefighters were putting a tourniquet on my arm.

00:47:54

I wasn't even happy I woke up.

00:47:59

I woke up and immediately just started thinking

00:48:02

about how ashamed I was, but fantasized about

00:48:05

"I just need to get into a place where I could

00:48:07

go back to drinking inside of a hotel room by myself.

00:48:10

It'll all be fine."

00:48:11

My wife was like, "You have to go into a rehab.

00:48:14

If you don't go into rehab, this can't --

00:48:17

This can't be; you're killing yourself."

00:48:19

I was supposed to go into treatment on March 8th.

00:48:23

So March 7th, I came home and I was like,

00:48:26

"I'm just going to have one last hurrah of drinking."

00:48:29

I blacked out, and then I woke up in jail again.

00:48:33

I was pissed because I'm supposed to be at rehab.

00:48:37

Now I have another disorderly conduct.

00:48:40

And then they told me that I had assaulted my wife.

00:48:45

And that -- that was like the --

00:48:51

I didn't care if I hurt -- hurt myself.

00:48:58

I didn't care if I died, but to know that I hurt her...

00:49:05

So I was in jail.

00:49:08

I pled guilty to domestic violence.

00:49:11

They put me in another drug and alcohol program.

00:49:14

During that time I was in that program

00:49:15

I went to trial for the assault on police.

00:49:18

So then they sent me to prison.

00:49:21

The time in jail, into prison,

00:49:24

I started reading the Bible for the first time.

00:49:27

I wasn't reading for any other reason other than to know Him.

00:49:31

Why did You make me

00:49:33

if all I was going to do is become nothing?

00:49:39

I started listening

00:49:42

and I started hearing God speak to me

00:49:46

and I wasn't afraid.

00:49:49

I still had shame, but I didn't feel shamed by Him.

00:49:55

And I had peace for the first time since I was a kid.

00:50:00

I left prison, went to a halfway house,

00:50:03

which is way worse than prison.

00:50:05

We were all out back and this guy walked up

00:50:08

and came up and eat a water bottle full of vodka.

00:50:11

He was like, "Here, bro, you want a drink?"

00:50:14

And I said, "No, I'm good," even though I want --

00:50:16

My whole body was like, "Oh, this is yours."

00:50:19

I was like, "No, I'm good."

00:50:21

And then I went to bed and I woke up the next day.

00:50:25

The self sabotage voice was gone.

00:50:28

The voice of "But look what you've done.

00:50:31

Look at all the destruction that you've created.

00:50:34

Your entire--" was gone.

00:50:36

I trusted Him just by refusing what my body wanted.

00:50:41

And my marriage has been healed from that time.

00:50:45

I have peace because I'm not fighting anymore.

00:50:48

It's great. I love waking up every day.

00:50:51

I love going to sleep every day

00:50:53

and I no longer have an obsession.

00:50:55

My obsession is just looking around me

00:50:59

and realizing what God has blessed me with.

00:51:03

I do sound at Eastside Crossroads.

00:51:06

That passion, my love for sound that I had came back to life.

00:51:10

Now I get to do what I've always loved.

00:51:13

There was a darkness, but now there's light.

00:51:19

- That's an incredible story, right?

00:51:22

It's incredible and every time I listen to it

00:51:25

I hear new things in it.

00:51:27

And I've listened to it multiple times.

00:51:29

And I don't want you to miss the critical moment

00:51:33

because he said it so simply.

00:51:36

He was at the darkest and lowest point that he ever was,

00:51:40

and he was in prison.

00:51:42

And he said, "I read the Bible."

00:51:47

So simply. It was this really small moment.

00:51:51

And I promise you, when he did that,

00:51:54

he took his question. What did he say?

00:51:56

Why did You make me if I was just going to be nothing?

00:51:59

It was this almost angry question to God.

00:52:02

And I promise you, whatever he read that day,

00:52:04

maybe he understood it, maybe he didn't.

00:52:06

I don't know what his history with the Bible was before that,

00:52:09

but I know he closed the Bible that day,

00:52:11

and he didn't feel very much light.

00:52:14

And I wonder, though, if some day

00:52:16

God will point at that moment and go,

00:52:18

"Right there, that's where it broke in."

00:52:20

Do you know that the human eye in the natural,

00:52:23

we can only take in 0.0035% of the full spectrum of light

00:52:28

that's actually here?

00:52:31

What if that's true spiritually?

00:52:34

What if God points at that moment and goes,

00:52:36

"Right there the light broke in.

00:52:38

Right there it all changed

00:52:41

and you were just walking more and more into the light"?

00:52:44

Did you catch the other little moment?

00:52:46

I heard that really loudly this time.

00:52:48

I haven't really thought about it

00:52:50

the other times I've heard this story,

00:52:52

but he had another moment where he said,

00:52:55

"All I did was refuse the bottle of vodka,"

00:52:59

and he woke up the next morning and something was different.

00:53:02

Such a small moment. Right?

00:53:04

There's these little moments

00:53:06

where a tiny sliver of light breaks in,

00:53:09

and we have no idea we've just changed

00:53:11

the trajectory of our entire life

00:53:13

because the Light of the World just walked into the room.

00:53:17

Oh, my goodness. What if we knew?

00:53:20

What would you do if you thought that was actually true?

00:53:25

Do you believe?

00:53:27

And if you did, what might you actually take the risk of doing?

00:53:32

We're going to look at some more words of John here,

00:53:35

because I think he gives us a little bit more of a clue

00:53:38

as to how -- how do we do that?

00:53:39

How do we actually walk out of the darkness?

00:53:42

These words come from a short letter

00:53:45

written by the same guy, John.

00:53:47

He wrote three little letters that got preserved

00:53:49

in the Bible: 1 John, 2 John, 3 John, same guy.

00:53:52

And in the 1 John, first chapter of 1 John, he says this:

00:53:58

This is the message we have heard from Him

00:54:01

and proclaim to you, that God is light,

00:54:04

and in Him is no darkness at all.

00:54:06

If we say we have fellowship with Him

00:54:09

while we walk in darkness,

00:54:10

we lie and do not practice the truth.

00:54:13

But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light,

00:54:17

we have fellowship with one another,

00:54:18

and the blood of Jesus His Son, cleanses us from all sin.

00:54:24

1 John 1, the first thing we have to do

00:54:27

is admit the darkness. Admit the darkness.

00:54:33

There's places in our life where we have --

00:54:35

We've just gotten so used to it, you know?

00:54:39

We don't -- it's just the way it is.

00:54:41

We don't even think about it anymore.

00:54:43

Maybe, maybe it's been a long time,

00:54:44

maybe it's only been a short time,

00:54:45

but it's like our eyes adjust to the dark a little bit

00:54:49

and it starts to seem like, "Oh, this is fine.

00:54:51

This is just how it is."

00:54:52

But John says if we say we have fellowship with Him,

00:54:55

with God, while we walk in darkness, we lie.

00:55:00

At a minimum we're lying to ourselves, at a minimum.

00:55:03

If we say we have fellowship with the light,

00:55:05

but we're walking in darkness,

00:55:07

we're not telling the truth.

00:55:08

The first thing we have to do is just admit

00:55:11

where we've decided to walk with the darkness a little bit.

00:55:15

I was thinking again about my life.

00:55:17

I told you, unfortunately, I can find more than one place.

00:55:21

Maybe you too.

00:55:23

And I realized that, um, maybe a year or so ago,

00:55:27

the lights started to dim in a place

00:55:29

where I've slowly just started to walk

00:55:31

in a sense of darkness that I think

00:55:34

it just got dim slow enough that I didn't notice.

00:55:38

I don't know if that makes sense,

00:55:39

but about a year or so ago,

00:55:41

there were a couple opportunities that

00:55:43

I really had my eye on professionally.

00:55:45

I really like to write.

00:55:46

There were some writing opportunities

00:55:48

that were out in front of me

00:55:49

and they just kind of got wiped away.

00:55:53

And, um, okay, you know, I think of myself

00:55:56

as a pretty resilient person.

00:55:57

All right. Okay, fine.

00:55:59

And then a couple other things got wiped away.

00:56:01

And suddenly the kind of far out path

00:56:05

was looking a little blurry.

00:56:07

And I started falling into just some discouragement.

00:56:12

And suddenly during the prep for this message,

00:56:14

I'll tell you, you preach a message on something

00:56:16

and God is like, "And you right there." You know?

00:56:21

I just realized, I think somewhere along the line

00:56:25

I started walking in a little bit of hopelessness.

00:56:27

Like, maybe the truth is that

00:56:29

God doesn't have anything out there for me.

00:56:34

And it was really weird because again,

00:56:36

I think of myself as a pretty positive person,

00:56:40

or at least, you know, I can keep going.

00:56:45

And I didn't even realize,

00:56:48

I think I started to agree with that.

00:56:49

I think I've just started to walk along

00:56:51

with this sense of discouragement,

00:56:53

maybe hopelessness that's over my future.

00:56:55

Like today is okay, but I think that's it for me.

00:56:58

I'm not really sure what else God might have,

00:57:00

maybe nothing. And just sort of accept that.

00:57:05

How odd. Right?

00:57:07

I just decided to walk in that darkness

00:57:10

and I adjusted to it.

00:57:11

And I started to to feel according to it,

00:57:14

we all do that with some things.

00:57:16

And the question is, where is that?

00:57:19

We have to recognize it.

00:57:20

We have to admit it if we actually want to walk out of it.

00:57:25

The second thing, once we see it,

00:57:28

is to expose that on purpose to the light.

00:57:32

John's words, he says: if we walk in the light,

00:57:35

as He is in the light,

00:57:36

we have fellowship with one another,

00:57:38

and the blood of Jesus cleanses us.

00:57:40

Now if we choose to expose this place,

00:57:43

we might be able to connect with somebody else,

00:57:45

we have fellowship with each other,

00:57:47

and the blood of Jesus cleanses us.

00:57:49

The Light of the World starts to cleanse.

00:57:52

You know, that light actually does do that.

00:57:55

I remember this from eighth grade science class,

00:57:58

that might be about all I remember

00:57:59

from eighth grade science class.

00:58:01

That light has, like, cleansing properties,

00:58:03

and that the opposite is also true.

00:58:06

The question here is what's been growing in the dark?

00:58:09

We actually grew mold in our desks to prove this point.

00:58:13

You know, like, when you sprinkle some water on bread

00:58:15

and seal it in a baggie and put it in your desk for 3 weeks,

00:58:18

there's some really nasty stuff that grows on it.

00:58:21

Some of you who have kids with gym bags

00:58:23

and you've discovered that same thing, you know,

00:58:26

some pretty gross stuff that's growing

00:58:28

on those cleats they never took out

00:58:30

after their sweaty feet were in them.

00:58:33

Some nasty stuff grows in the dark

00:58:36

until we start to expose it to light.

00:58:38

Scientists say, people who know

00:58:40

what they're talking about about science things say

00:58:43

that light boosts immunity and mood.

00:58:45

It kills bacteria.

00:58:47

It does all kinds of things that can't be done in the dark.

00:58:53

I had this idea, I told you,

00:58:55

God will put His finger on something for you

00:59:00

once you start admitting this.

00:59:02

So this last Monday, I did a thing because

00:59:05

I just had this idea I couldn't get rid of.

00:59:08

And after I did it, I thought, "Oh, I think --

00:59:10

I think that's what I just did by accident."

00:59:13

I had this idea that I should write down

00:59:16

all the places professionally

00:59:18

that I thought had been wiped away.

00:59:20

I told you like one after the next, after the next,

00:59:22

and it just ended in some discouragement.

00:59:24

And I just got the sense that God was like,

00:59:28

"Hey, did you write those down?"

00:59:30

I was like, "You know what?

00:59:32

I think I got some better things to do

00:59:34

than write a list of all the missed opportunities

00:59:36

and failures that, you know,

00:59:38

of stuff that's not going to happen for me.

00:59:40

That's, that's a great idea.

00:59:43

Sounds real fun, but, you know, maybe not."

00:59:47

But on Monday, I actually did it.

00:59:49

And a funny thing happens.

00:59:52

You know, Psalm 139 says that

00:59:55

darkness is as light to God.

00:59:57

He's not the one who can't see. I am, you are.

01:00:00

When we expose this thing to the light,

01:00:02

we start to see it a little bit differently.

01:00:04

When I had to put words around some of these discouragements,

01:00:07

some of these disappointments, I found

01:00:09

a few of them just fell away.

01:00:12

When I had to try to explain them

01:00:14

and put them into an actual word,

01:00:16

it was almost like just yucky stuff

01:00:18

that was bouncing around in the dark

01:00:20

that I couldn't even really justify.

01:00:22

I was like, "Oh, that's not, I guess, really one,

01:00:26

or that's pretty easy to understand.

01:00:28

And this and that one actually sounds kind of silly

01:00:32

when I try to put words to it."

01:00:33

A few of them just, you know, fell through my fingers.

01:00:35

They just sort of dissolved right in front of my face.

01:00:38

Now a few are real.

01:00:39

I'm still wrestling with God over those.

01:00:41

It's not like that solved the problem.

01:00:43

But when I exposed that to the light,

01:00:46

there's some things that got cleansed.

01:00:50

There's some things that got lifted.

01:00:52

And I would just encourage you, whatever that place is,

01:00:55

whatever it looks like to expose it.

01:00:56

Maybe it's telling someone,

01:00:58

maybe it's writing it on a list,

01:01:00

maybe it's praying again for the first time about it.

01:01:02

Maybe it's making a phone call.

01:01:04

I don't know what that looks like,

01:01:06

but if you will purposely expose it,

01:01:08

light will begin to do what light naturally does.

01:01:12

And the last thing I think will be the natural result.

01:01:15

But if not, we can do the third thing.

01:01:19

Walk in the light.

01:01:22

That's what John says, if we walk, if we move,

01:01:27

if we act like His words are actually true,

01:01:31

he says if we walk in darkness, we're lying.

01:01:34

If we walk in light, we're walking consistent

01:01:37

with what Jesus says is true.

01:01:41

We have to move while we're in the dark.

01:01:44

So let me ask you this.

01:01:45

If you believed Him, let's just say you did.

01:01:48

I will lower the bar and say, um,

01:01:51

what if you decided you were going to practice believing Him?

01:01:54

That's how I think about it sometimes

01:01:55

so I don't feel like I have to sign in blood.

01:01:58

I'm not totally sure I believe You,

01:02:00

but I'm going to practice like I believe You.

01:02:03

What would I do if I wanted to practice

01:02:07

believing You in this way?

01:02:08

You might come up with a tiny little thing

01:02:11

that you are willing to do.

01:02:14

Like Josh when he picked up his Bible

01:02:17

and he said to God, "Why did you even make me?"

01:02:20

And he made the move.

01:02:22

I had one this week with mine.

01:02:24

Didn't mean to find it. Found me.

01:02:26

God's funny like that.

01:02:27

You start this process, He'll probably

01:02:29

just serve one up for you on a platter.

01:02:32

I was reading in our Bible in a year plan

01:02:34

inside the Crossroads app, and early in the week

01:02:37

there were some Proverbs, a couple of chapters

01:02:39

of the book of Proverbs.

01:02:40

And you know how it goes, like,

01:02:42

you're reading the Proverbs.

01:02:43

If you've ever been in that book,

01:02:44

they just kind of one wise saying after the next,

01:02:46

after the next, a lot of them

01:02:48

are even disconnected in certain sections of the book.

01:02:50

You're like this and this and this, and, you know,

01:02:52

you can just kind of keep reading them,

01:02:55

not really, maybe fully taking them in.

01:02:57

And one of them stopped me.

01:02:58

Here's what it says.

01:02:59

Actually, I'll do it from memory

01:03:01

because my little move was memorizing this verse:

01:03:05

The heart of a man makes plans --

01:03:08

I'm getting this wrong.

01:03:12

The heart of a man makes some plans,

01:03:17

and the Lord establishes his steps.

01:03:20

Hold on. The heart of a man plans his way

01:03:24

but the Lord establishes his steps.

01:03:25

I told God I'm going to memorize that.

01:03:27

Clearly I did a terrible job.

01:03:29

The heart of a man plans his way

01:03:31

but the Lord establishes his steps.

01:03:33

I memorized that, and I just --

01:03:34

It was my tiny little way of saying to God,

01:03:37

"Okay, I had my heart set on some things,

01:03:40

but I still believe that You're planning my steps.

01:03:45

I get it. I don't like --

01:03:48

I don't like some of this, but I'm going to

01:03:51

practice believing every time I say that verse,

01:03:54

which I will be saying a lot more often,

01:03:58

that You're still planning my steps.

01:03:59

You still know where I'm going,

01:04:01

even when my heart was set on some of my plans.

01:04:04

You have some steps for me and You're still at work."

01:04:08

So what's yours? What's the little thing?

01:04:12

Picking up the Bible? Is it calling someone?

01:04:18

Is it memorizing verse? What is it?

01:04:21

It's the little thing

01:04:22

that you're willing to do in the dark.

01:04:26

It's the way that you're willing to reach out to God

01:04:29

and go, like, "I can.

01:04:31

I can at least practice believing You doing this."

01:04:34

And I'm telling you, that's the moment.

01:04:36

That'll be the moment in your story,

01:04:38

just like Josh's, where he points back and goes,

01:04:40

all the light, all the light of the world

01:04:43

just showed up around you,

01:04:44

and all you had to do was keep walking.

01:04:46

Because Proverbs 4:18, a long time favorite of mine:

01:04:50

The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn,

01:04:53

which shines ever brighter until the full light of day.

01:04:57

It gives us this picture that

01:04:59

when we call on the name of Jesus

01:05:02

as the Light of the World, what we've just done

01:05:04

is thrust ourself onto the path

01:05:06

that grows brighter and brighter and brighter

01:05:09

and brighter until we experience the fullness

01:05:12

of the Light of the World all around us.

01:05:16

That is what we do when we will reach out in the dark

01:05:20

in any life, any issue, anything that's brought

01:05:24

before the Light of the World gets to join in

01:05:26

the final picture that we get in the Bible

01:05:29

in Revelation 21:23

01:05:30

where we live from now into eternity like this.

01:05:38

It says: The city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, \

01:05:42

for the glory of God gives it its light,

01:05:45

and its lamp is the Lamb.

01:05:47

Jesus, the Lamb of God, the Son of God, the Messiah

01:05:51

sent by God to save us.

01:05:52

The Light of the World is asking you, do you believe?

01:05:58

And if you do believe,

01:05:59

will you take a step even in the dark,

01:06:02

knowing that's where it's all going in the end?

01:06:07

John started his gospel with these words:

01:06:10

The light shines in the darkness,

01:06:12

and the darkness has not overcome it.

01:06:13

Whatever you're sitting here trying to handle,

01:06:16

trying to wrestle with, trying to deal with

01:06:19

God's persistent darkness in your life,

01:06:22

I promise you one move in the dark

01:06:25

and the light overcomes it.

01:06:27

Let me pray for you.

01:06:29

Lord, we believe You and we're trying to believe You.

01:06:37

Help us to receive the life that is in believing

01:06:40

that You are the Light of the World.

01:06:42

That's what we want.

01:06:45

We're just stumbling around in the dark.

01:06:47

Will You help us understand

01:06:50

how to walk into the light this week.

01:06:51

I pray for every issue, every darkness,

01:06:54

every light, every life that's in this place.

01:06:57

I ask that You would lead us out of the dark

01:07:01

into your glorious light.

01:07:02

In Jesus's name I pray, Amen.

01:07:06

- So Jesus didn't just claim to bring light,

01:07:08

He claimed to be the light.

01:07:10

So as we leave today, here's the question:

01:07:13

where do we need light to intercept right now?

01:07:16

What feels uncertain, hidden, broken, or hopeless?

01:07:20

Hey, here's the invitation:

01:07:22

Don't leave that place in the dark; bring it to Him.

01:07:25

- That's right. We'd actually love to pray with you

01:07:29

about that right now.

01:07:31

You can go to Crossroads.net

01:07:32

and you can chat with someone.

01:07:34

There's a live person on there

01:07:35

who would love to pray with you right now.

01:07:37

And if you're part of our Anywhere Community,

01:07:39

you have gotten emails this week,

01:07:41

you've gotten texts through 301301

01:07:43

to jump on a Zoom call today at 11:30.

01:07:46

We'd love you to be there.

01:07:48

Our Anywhere team is there

01:07:49

and we are going to just pray for people.

01:07:51

Maybe God's been stirring something up in you over

01:07:53

the past week since the prayer experience last weekend,

01:07:57

maybe the Ignite Conference or some other way.

01:08:00

We would love to help you process that thing

01:08:01

or pray together as a community.

01:08:03

So you also can text Anywhere to 301301

01:08:08

and in the future, we'll let you know

01:08:09

about these events that we're doing

01:08:11

and just keep you updated on being

01:08:13

a part of our Crossroads Anywhere community.

01:08:16

So have a great week.

01:08:17

And again, crossroads.net, someone live

01:08:19

would also love to pray for you there as well.

01:08:21

- Thanks for joining us. - Have a great week.

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